[How he's missed hearing those words from this man. Everything's falling back into place in the way he's longed for, and it's... strange. This isn't how his life is supposed to be. But as strange as this is, so is everything else about this city. If the dead can live again in Duplicity, so be it. Toby wouldn't lie to him. Not about something like this. He knows that.
But there's a piece of all this that he can't get past. Demanding that Toby prove he isn't Lucifer after the man simply showed up does sound like something he would do, but his perfect memory doesn't hold a single second of the incident.]
I don't remember any of that. [He should. The portrait ensures it. How could this happen?
But glancing around at the foyer they're standing in, there's a ring of truth to Toby's words. Every inch of this house is attuned to his preferences. Toby would let him dictate their aesthetic. Sure, the man would complain about flourishes he didn't agree with, but he'd always come around in the end.] But I also can't see you making up a place this nice on your own.
[So that's it. In this place, the dead can live again, and people can leave and return without any sense that they've been here before. It's not the strangest thing he's ever experienced, but it's close. There will be more to say about this later, but getting a play by play account of the last time he was here is the last thing he wants right now. Dorian draws a steadying breath.]
No, I-- I don't need that. [He runs his fingers slowly along the line of Toby's jaw, refamiliarizing himself with the perfect face he knows so well.] I know it's you, [he asserts. And what a thing that is to say, and feel the truth of it settle into his bones.] I knew from the second voicemail I heard, and ... especially when you told me there were fae in the city. [The smallest of fond smiles forms at the corners of his mouth.] You knew I'd want to hear all the gory details about something like that. [He doesn't know how to explain it, but what he heard is enough. The voicemails hurt, but it wasn't the kind of pain Lucifer would have inflicted. Toby sent him pieces of himself, some significant and others mundane, and the resulting tapestry was unmistakably him. Dorian's smile fades, and he looks up to meet Toby's eyes, his own red and glossy, and widening with comprehension.]
I missed you. [The breath he takes is short and shuddering, and a single tear slips down one of his cheeks as the weight of everything hits him again.] There aren't enough words in our world or this one to say how much.
They take our memories when we go from here, but they'll come back. [They will. They have to. Faith's memories came back. Methos had the same happen to him. At least a dozen other LIERs on the network have said the same. Dorian's memories will come back and the man will know about their time together, the good and the bad, and understand how much better this place is than Earth is right now with Lucifer running around torturing his soulmate.
He chuckles when Dorian digs at him about the house. Yeah, he figured it would come out about like that. Dorian could always tell what was his work and what wasn't, and they have a way about their lives that works for them. If his soulmate can see it in their house? All the better for getting them back to where they want to be. Deserve to be.
Tugging the other man closer, he lets him say everything he needs to get out and then presses their foreheads together. He'd not forgotten how warm Dorian is, but to feel him again, completely and in reality, is a balm to a wound that's been open for far too long. A wound he never thought would close or heal for the rest of his life. He's still not sure it'll ever fully close while the city's got so many things it can do to them, but this? Being together and having a life together the way they'd planned? God, yes he wants it more than anything.
He brushes the lone tear from his boyfriend's face and smiles softly.] I've missed you too, Dorian. In ways I never thought possible and that poets could never describe. I love you so much, and when you were gone, it was as if my whole world crumbled. [As Dorian should well know from the voicemails, but it bears saying. Dorian needs to hear it from him the way Toby wanted it for so long while the man was gone.
His face softens as he tips the other man's chin up so he can press their lips together in a long, slow kiss. One that barely scratches the surface of all the longing and feelings he's been holding in for months. It's not enough, but it gives him enough peace of mind to say the words he needs to say now that this man has come back into his life.]
Marry me, [he whispers.] I've lost you too many times not to have this with you. Please, let's do this. [He slips away to get down on one knee in front of the other man, holding his hand in both of his.] Please, Dorian Christopher Gray, marry me.
[God, he's never known anything better than the feeling of Toby touching his face, and pressing their lips together like this. Dorian feels dazed for the rush of memories the chill sensation pulls to the forefront of his mind, and the way it makes his heart pound hard in his chest as if it might burst from ecstasy. He's missed this more than anything in his entire, long life. He puts his arms around the other man's neck at once, wrapping his hands around the back of Toby's head so he can hold the man tight until his lungs start to burn from lack of air.
Everything feels dreamlike when they pull apart, as if there's nothing in the world but the pair of them standing together in this foyer. Dorian automatically leans back in for another kiss, but finds his attempt stymied by--
-- what. He blinks several times in quick succession as Toby pulls away from him, proposes, and then drops down on one knee.
Did that really just happen? Is it happening? What on God's green and verdant--]
What? [Dorian stares dumbfounded at Toby, his feet knocked completely out from under him by the sight of the man staring earnestly up at him from the floor. This isn't a joke - he knows that much, especially when it's coming from Toby - but it's so spontaneous that he's left struggling to find a more substantial response to how crazy this feels.]
What on Earth are you doing? I've only just returned - we've only just found each other again. [He gets why the man is doing this, but why is he doing it so suddenly? They've barely just finished talking about how he was, apparently here before, but has no memory of it when he should.
He was already overwhelmed, and this is only adding an entire new level on top.]
Found each other again, after losing each other again. We keep losing each other, then coming back together because this is where we're meant to be. Together. [He grips Dorian's hand a little tighter. This is going to be hurdle for his boyfriend to get over, but it's worth it in Toby's mind. There's nowhere else for either of them to be but with one another, so why not get married?
Of course he can't say that to Dorian Gray and win the argument, so he doesn't attempt. Their world's most unattainable bachelor (until he came along) needs more than "because we love each other" as a reason to make the leap, and Toby knows that. They've fought about it too many times for him to believe otherwise.]
We keep proving to the universe-- multiverse, I guess? that nothing can keep us apart. No matter what happens to us, no matter what shit we go through, they can't tear us apart. Not forever. So marry me and let's make it the official the rest of existence sees us.
[He's not likely to win with this argument, but he figures he can pull out the big guns once Dorian's shit on his more fanciful and romantic notions.]
I know that- [As fucking improbable as it is, and despite this not being how his life ever works, they do keep finding each other. It does keep being his life. Whether on Earth or across - God - the multiverse, Toby keeps returning to him. He can't deny the man's right about that, and he doesn't even want to, when it means the vampire is standing here with his arms around him again.] But this... [he starts again, flustered] this is crazy. [Isn't it?! Of course it is. This is exactly the kind of thing Toby would choose for a moment like this - he's done it to them before.]
You've lost your mind, [he says, halfway trying to convince himself, as much as Toby] which, frankly, I get, because that's been my last eight months. But we can't just...
[Dorian breathes out, trying to get a handle on himself when Toby's thrown him so completely off his game.]
We shouldn't make a decision like this, when emotions are high and neither of us knows what we're doing here. [Right? Isn't finding the ground beneath their feet more important? Wrapping their heads around all of this and finding out how they fit together here?
He might be trying to convince himself, as he catches both his literal and figurative breath.]
[Oh no you don't, boyfriend. You can't get away so easily. Toby returns to his feet so he can take Dorian's hands in his and hold them against his chest while the two of them are pressed together. It's as necessary as the breaths the younger immortal is taking right now.]
When would be a better time than this? When would we know better than now what we'll always want with each other? I've known since long before you were taken from me that you're it for me, Dorian. Every time we come back together, we both say it. And then we always fall more in love with each other as we keep living together and deepening our relationship.
[He squeezes Dorian's hands gently.] I know I'm out of my mind, but it's only because you took it with you when you took my heart. I've gone absolutely mad without you, and I'm only thinking clearly now because you're back.
[It's why he knows this is the right decision. There's no other place for either of them to be, so why should they fight it?]
I don't want to have to wonder again about our relationship. I want to know always, even if shit goes wrong, that we've chosen each other and are in this with each other. [He frowns, expression pleading with his boyfriend to just listen to him for once.] I want a symbol together that proves we're in this 'til the end with each other. Getting married does that, in a way we'll never have to question.
[They'll have all the telltale signs of marriage on them if they do this, rings and his new name and all, and no one will ever question if they should be this way, including themselves.]
[Some of what Toby says are arguments he's heard before, and they weren't any more convincing at that time than they are now. He's never been truly married before, but he knows it's a recipe for the slow death of a relationship and separate bedrooms. He's seen it countless times before. He doesn't want that with Toby - he wants everything to be the same way it was before he lost the man again.
Who cares if marriage is something everyone thinks couples should do once they've been together long enough, or love each other enough? They've - and especially him - never lived their lives along the lines of what other people think, so why should they confirm themselves in the eyes and minds of people who don't matter, and who are all going to die, anyway? It's nonsensical, and not something they need, even if it's something Toby wants.
But none of those objections can coalesce while he's still on his back foot. All he can manage, as Toby grips at him and the face he's longed for is so close to his own, is,]
I don't want anything to change, [he protests.] I've proven myself to you, over and over, and shown you that I love you. That I've chosen you. That I'd die for you. [And die without him.]
If my word and heart aren't enough to prove that to you beyond question, some piece of paper marking a convention people made up isn't going to change that.
[He feels anger and self-pity starting to rise in his chest, along with the desire to get Toby's hands off him. He hates this. Why in God's name did the man have to be so-- himself and do this to them now?]
It's not for anyone else. It's for us. If we had rings and I had your name, and if anything ever happens again, I'll always know it's you I'm coming back to. I'll know what's waiting for me because I'll know who is waiting. Can't you see that?
[He shouldn't've expected any different than this. Part of him had been hoping Dorian would be ready to have an adult conversation about the topic now that they're not on the heels of decades of heartache that followed his death when they watched the sunrise together. Maybe he did ask too soon after Dorian got back to the city, but was it ever going to be better or easier for the man to hear it at another time? Absolutely not. This was always going to be shitty in his eyes, so if there was a time to do it, it's now.
All Toby wishes is that his boyfriend would stop navel gazing long enough to see that he's putting a lot more on the very idea of marriage than actually exists in the vampire's words.]
Nothing would change but those things, Dorian. The two of us would wear rings, maybe have a piece of paper to celebrate, and I'd put in with whatever bloody authority I have to here to change my name. Even if they tell me know, I'd take yours anyway, because I want that to show I'm yours.
[He hesitates a moment, then releases Dorian's hands. The younger man's starting to tense in that way that says he's going to need a drink or to break off soon, and he'd rather not have his soulmate rip himself away right now. This hurts enough to be told no again on the basis of arguments he never even made.]
I'm not asking you to prove anything to me. I know you love me and that we both want to be together. All I'm asking is you stop being so bloody selfish for once and let me have this one thing, this symbolic thing that won't change what our relationship is, so we both know, in every way possible, that this is it for us. [He frowns at the other man.] Is that really so terrible of me to ask?
[He doesn't understand what being married changes about them knowing who they're coming back to (how is that not the case already?) but the man putting this in terms of something he wants is something that does penetrate. A personal desire he can relate to. And if he's being selfish about this in turn, it's for good reason, on the back of everything he's seen marriage do to people.]
You don't know that nothing will change - you can't know that. [Yes, Toby's been married before, but it wasn't a real marriage, even by the man's own words.]
What if the reason we've worked out together the way we have, is because we've chosen one another in our own way? You want this because it satisfies some romantic fantasy you've had about our relationship since we started. [Basically.] Yeah? What if you get it, and realize it doesn't hold up anywhere near to the idea in your mind?
That's how these things work, Toby. Especially with me. I've seen it a thousand times.
[After something like that, which always happens to him when someone holds him up to some kind of romantic ideal, everything always turns into disillusionment and resentment.]
That's not how I work, Dorian. A thing you'd remember if you'd pull your head out of your ass for a moment and listen to your own bloody words.
[God, why can't he see how ridiculous he's being right now? Accusing Toby of letting things change while he's been claiming for years that he doesn't change, that they don't be virtue of being immortal. It can't be both ways. Not if their lives are going to work. Seeing as they have been working for years, it must all be fine. So all... this that's got Dorian shouting and pushing him away is all so much shite.]
You're such a hypocrite, [he mutters, looking away as he starts to dig in his pockets.] Constantly telling me we can't change, yet accusing me of doing so the second we get married without any proof I will. We've basically been married for years. The whole of the network even said it a year ago! [He grimaces before adding,] That'll come back to you, but I can show you the post if you're going to be an ass about all this.
[With a sigh, he lights up a cigarette. He doesn't offer one to the other man before putting both carton and lighter back in his pocket.] I want the symbol this is. I want my one fantasy to come true. Fuck me for wanting that, yeah? [He laughs darkly and drags at his cigarette, shaking his head as he exhales.]
[Dorian grimaces at the beginnings of wallowing, and the suggestion that Toby's about to run away from this fight he started by throwing himself into a drink. The man knows his feelings about marriage. He knew what was going to come out of his mouth if he tried this.
So fucking... why? Why now, when all he wants to do - or did want to do, anyway - is hold the man and kiss the life from him?]
I'm the one who doesn't change - that's the whole point. You stalked me for years, and I know you saw how commitment works out for me. I'm not-- a husband, and I've never pretended I could, or should, be.
[Toby should have known that.]
And even if I said yes, what part of that suits a romantic dream? You know what I'd be thinking even as we walked down the aisle.
Not every husband is some charming man out of a romcom or Jane Austen novel. Some of them are real people who deal with the same shit day in and day out as part of the life they've built with someone. You'd know that if you could look outside yourself for two seconds.
[He doesn't care if it's wallowing; he's getting himself a drink and any arguments to the contrary are getting shut down. If Dorian cares to bring it up.]
Are you so thick you don't see it? Or so cynical you've forgotten what it's like to daydream? [He shakes his head as he pours a double of whiskey for himself and immediately throws it back.] Landing the eternal bachelor was only the start. Landing him and having him love me enough to say yes to my one stupidly selfish and silly request is the dream. A dream I only want with him. No big ceremony. No white lace gown. No top hats or tuxes. Just us, swearing ourselves while we exchange vows and rings, then living on as we have.
[It would be so easy. He frowns as he pours himself another drink.] You're scared it's going to end the way Harry told you it would, or that I'll do something reckless and stupid if you hurt me. But I'm not Sybil, and I'm not some stranger who's just met you. I know you, Dorian Gray. I chose this life with you. I know loving you will hurt sometimes. [Another shake of his head as he trudges back over to the other man and offers the refilled glass.]
I'm willing to take that risk with you, because that dream only comes true with you.
[Dorian's so caught off guard by Toby bringing up both Harry and Sybil, that he's momentarily lost for words.
Scared. As much as it grates to admit it, he knows he's scared. He can feel the fear thrumming through him even now. Harry and Sybil changed everything. How could he not see truth in Harry's words - that truth repeating over and over again for decades - when the first example started with a thoughtless mistake that ended everything his life could have been, forever? The circumstances here aren't the same, but at this moment and all others, the past hangs over him like a leaden curtain. Will always be there, pushing on his present. In the worst sense, this made him who he is. It's a painful reality that's on the verge of cutting right through him, if it's only pressed on too hard.
And how could he not be scared, when Toby could be torn away at any time, and over so little? When he already has, several times? Everything between them has always been borrowed time, whether they knew it or wanted to admit it. How is this different now? He doesn't know how to look past that.
So why can he not simply let go of all that for now, and have this one, perfect (well, not perfect now) moment where none of that is true? Where none of it has happened again yet?]
Of course I'm scared. [When he finally speaks, the words come out breathless and small, and as overwhelmed as he feels.] Every time we're together, and things between us start to get good, and I start to think we've found something worth keeping, something happens to change that. We keep coming back together, and then get torn apart. If I'm about to remember that it happened again in however long it takes here, I don't-- [he draws a sharp breath] it's just ... so much, Toby.
[Another breath.]
I don't daydream - haven't for years - because what's there to daydream about, Toby? We get married and have lives we could have only dreamed of when we were young, and then it falls apart? [He truly doesn't know.]
[Grateful as he is for Harry sending him on the path that landed Dorian here, Toby would choke the life from the man for doing this to his soulmate. Putting a fear in him that doesn't belong and can't be shaken loose.] There's every reason to fear that with mortals. They're so wrapped up in what they can get that they don't think beyond their immediate happiness. Those that can set is aside live lives that are filled with the kind of blissful, ignorant joy we'll never have, but they still live in that love and joy. We can have something deeper than that, if you're willing to try.
[He pushes the drink into Dorian's hands so he can gently tip the man's chin up to meet his eyes. Those goddamn beautiful eyes that no other can ever have. So deep and haunted, yet ever young and full of life. As he stares into them, he's certain Dorian's got no idea how much he has if he can see it with a single look into the man's eyes.]
Being scared of something has never stopped you from doing it before. You throw yourself recklessly into everything, but you won't even try with this. I know Harry's fingerprints are all over your life, but will you let him dictate the whole of it? Why do you want to give him such power over you long after he's dead? [A frown pulls at his lips.] I've met hundreds of couples who loved each other 'til death parted them, Dorian, who didn't push each other away or stop throwing themselves in one another's arms whenever they had the chance. God knows that death or some other pull apart may be what's coming for us, but we don't know that. We never can until it's on us. That's how our lives are. [It's how they'll always be.
He takes a slow breath and releases his boyfriend's face with a last brush of his thumb along that perfect, unblemished cheek.] There's everything to daydream about when we're this old. The things we want to share with each other that we didn't have the chance to on Earth. Gossip and use of mortals for entertainment whenever we're feeling bored. The years we can spend trying new things together and tackling all the mysteries you want to throw yourself into. I want all of that and everything else with you, the same I'll always want that, and I know that because I don't change nearly as much as you say I do. I certainly didn't while you were gone.
So we take this step, we do something for us that doesn't have to include anyone else, and we keep living the same unpredictable, reckless, and endlessly curious lives we always have. The only difference is a change in title. [He smiles lightly, chuckling at his next thought before he says it.] And me officially being a Gray.
[Everything about this feels so... untested. Shaky. Because it is-- and also isn't. He never tried this because there was never any need to. No person, regardless of how deeply he cared for them or how they tried to convince him, were enough to overcome marriage just being another thing to lose when people die-- a thing people do because they think they have to, or because they have the naively romantic idea that it brings happiness simply in having it. He's known that isn't true since he met Harry. Since he watched, and couldn't forget, countless forms of commitment and marriages fall apart before his eyes over the years.
Harry. Toby just has to put this in terms of not letting a dead, beloved and hated, friend continue to rule his life, doesn't he? He balks at the idea, of course, because it's... true. And he can't deny it. He allowed this, and then once the man died, and he thought himself truly his own person, he kept right on looking for pieces to fit into the old pattern. To prove Harry right.
It's not the way he wants to be. Not for Lucifer, not for Harry, not for anyone. This is his life, and after all the abuse over the years, he will live his life on his terms. He can be anything his wants, and make of his life exactly what he wants. He decided that again on the shores of Whitby, and it's not a decision he's going back on now.
As Toby looks into his eyes and touches his face, and the man tells him that this isn't going to change them, but only be... something new to try? Absurdly, in the same way it always feels absurd when Toby hopes for something bright, and hopeful between them where he can't see it, himself ... he believes it. Just for a moment.
Damn this persuasive man who knows him all too well, and loves him unconditionally.
When the vampire pulls away, Dorian draws a breath to compose himself, and throws back a generous amount of the drink Toby pressed into his hand. Fuck him. Is he honestly thinking of going for this?
He supposes he is. For the sake of what Toby sees between them, and what he himself really, actually wants to be true.]
God. [Dorian wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, savouring the mild distraction of the burn in the back of his throat. It helps stave off how terrifying this all is.] You had a lot of time to think about all this, didn't you? [He's not mocking - it's genuinely flooring, and he's overwhelmed.
Working to try and compose himself, Dorian takes another sip of his drink. He'll need more, soon.]
You're right. [He laughs softly, hollowly, in disbelief.] All this time I've been telling myself that I make my own self, my own life, but all I've been is a piece of someone else's music. For years. [It hurts to say. He hates it. It's unfair that it's been this way because he was young and foolish, and didn't know any better at the time, and then didn't think to try and know any better.] I've been playing the same tune since I heard it at 19.
Do you know what I told Lucifer at Whitby? When he told me to die? [It's a rhetorical question, because Toby must know, even if he doesn't remember telling the man. He would have.] When I met him, I was prepared. I rehearsed what I wanted to say before I surrendered everything to him. [He exhales.] But he told me to die, and as soon as he did, I knew I didn't want to.
I'm not anyone's-- puppet. [Not anymore. Not for another single fucking person, fallen angel, god, anyone. Raising his glass again, Dorian finishes off the last of his drink, and then puts it down onto the nearest surface with a loud clatter.]
So fuck him. Fuck him and Harry. Let's make another choice for ourselves, because you think there's everything to gain. [And, for a shred of a moment, Toby made him believe it, too.] Let's do it.
[He's honestly not sure how this is going to go, once everything he can think of is out of his mouth. Everything he's said is true - a fact Dorian could deny only if he wasn't willing to deal with the implications of it all - but that doesn't mean his soulmate has to agree with that truth and to his plan. It's still a more romantic dream, and he's still Dorian Gray. Even knowing he's living in someone's shadow isn't guaranteed to be enough to get him to run headlong into something that's scared him for well over a century.
But when he does get it, in typical Dorian fashion, his eyes well up with tears. Let's do it might be his new favourite words for how they make his heart metaphorically soar. He said yes, and that's really all Toby needed to hear before he does the thing they both need by closing the small distance between them recklessly fast so he can pull Dorian into a deep and passionate kiss. A kiss that finally, finally lets out some of the tension that's lived in him since he woke up to find his boyfriend gone and nothing but a hole in his heart in the man's place.]
I love you, Dorian Gray. [He murmurs the words when he lets them part for a breath, not caring how they sound both delighted and desperate. None of it matters now that Dorian's here again. It matters even less now that Dorian's agreed to marry him. Nothing could possibly matter but kissing the life from this wonderful, reckless, cynical, passionate man with everything he is.
Well, almost nothing. There's one tiny thing he wants to hear first.]
Do me a favour before I take you to bed? [He smirks, letting the tears on his cheeks go ignored.] Let me get down on one knee again and say yes? I promise the sex will be so worth it.
[All of this is such a rollercoaster. Right on the heels of agreeing to marriage, Toby's crying and kissing him again, and making his heart nearly stop in his chest from the pleasure and rightness of the feeling.
Maybe this will be fine. Maybe nothing will change. Maybe Toby's right about enough of it. Maybe--
Christ, the vampire's really going to make this as dramatic as possible, isn't he? (Of course he is. That's who the vampire is.) Why is this happening to him? Flustering slightly, Dorian feels himself actually blush a little, for how the man's caught him off guard yet again.
Satan just kill him now. He doesn't blush. Ever.]
All right. [What's the point in resisting now, when he's already said yes? But they're definitely having another drink after this if it kills him - which it can't, so they will - and he's getting the best sex of his life. Sighing, Dorian steps back to make room, and gestures at the floor.] Go ahead-- kneel to your heart's content.
As I was saying, this is important to me, darling. Being with you is important to me, and I want to do this the right way for us both. [He beams up at the other man and gently takes both his hands in his own.] I love you, Dorian Christopher Gray. Please, make me the happiest man in any universe, and marry me.
[God, it's a good thing he hasn't gotten a bite of the other man yet or his heart would beat its way from his chest. Even knowing he's already got the yes doesn't stop the anticipation from trying to kill him. In a good way this time! But it's still a lot on the heart in those moments he's waiting for that blissful syllable to come from his soulmate's mouth.]
Now I know there isn't anything you can't get me to do in the end. [No, he's not stalling. You're stalling.
Dorian huffs a disbelieving laugh as the vampire takes his hands in his own, but then happens to catch the man's eye in time to see Toby beaming up at him. Damn this man and his unearthly, beautiful smile, and how much it hurts in the very best way to see his boyfriend looking at him like this. He's missed this more than anything in any world. The sight makes his stomach do the totally out of place, and ill-fitting flips it hasn't done since he was truly young.
He could kill this man and kill for him, all at this moment.
Sighing again, in spite of himself, Dorian smiles slightly.]
Yes, I'll marry you. [He grants (generously, he thinks) Toby a few seconds to soak in his acceptance, and then draws one of his hands back to reach for the glass he set down on the nearby table.] But first, I want to drink until we can't stand, and you need to kiss me until I can't breathe.
[Dorian can have his stalling, because Toby gets his yes (with proper flourish!) and that's all that matters. The vampire smiles brightly as he lets that sink in, then gets to his feet so he can start with the kissing. It's far more important than the drinking right now.
Only if I get to take you upstairs first. [He slips an arm about Dorian's waist to pull him over to the nearest bar cart, handing the man a mostly full bottle.] It's all whiskey, but we'll get you a celebratory bottle of gin later. For now...
[There's a few seconds of hesitation wherein the younger immortal has a chance to think about what's surely coming next. He can't stop it, but he'll have a chance to fluster or protest. Then, with too much fanfare, Toby sweeps Dorian into his arms to start carrying him bridal style toward the bedroom.]
Off to bed with us, darling. I think this celebration of ours calls for that.
[His head is still spinning from that particularly life-shattering kiss, when a bottle's suddenly being pressed into his arms, and his feet are being swept unceremoniously out from under him. Dorian flusters, and sputters out a 'Toby!' at the unexpected indignity as he flails, and then latches his arms around the other man's neck. He never does seem to find the figurative ground beneath his feet around Tobias Matthews, but this reunion seems especially dedicated to not letting him have it.
But honestly? There's no other place in the multiverse he wants to be right now. If it means being carried like a farmhouse wife, he would have done so much infinitely worse simply for the chance to be in this moment.]
You're skipping steps with going for the threshold carry now, [he says dryly. But god yes, please take him to bed.
He's just going to work at the top of the bottle in his arms as he's hauled upstairs, and take a solid gulp from the thing once he's put down atop their fittingly sumptuous bed. When he's done, he puts the bottle aside on the night stand, and curls fingers into Toby's shirt to draw the man to him.]
You should have shown me this room first, [there's genuine appreciation in his tone, even with such a good, and necessary distraction at hand, and in hand] I'd have accepted this was ours even faster than I did the foyer.
[When Toby comes close, Dorian shifts his hold to the lines of the vampire's jaw, and simply basks in the man's presence for a few seconds. It hurts, makes his heart race, to be so near to everything that's been so impossibly far away for so long. Too long. He isn't sure he's actually breathing as he presses himself close to his lover for another, wholly necessary kiss, but nothing could be further from mattering now that he has Toby back with him again.]
No, because I'm going to do it again after we have our little ceremony. [He proudly proclaims this as the absolute fact it is. No getting out of your husband having his proper - and agreed to! - wedding night, Dorian.
He pauses all forward momentum when the younger immortal takes his face between his hands to look at him. Toby's in a rush to get to all the best parts, but getting the chance to really see Dorian like this is... Heaven, of a sorts. It's at least the exact opposite of Hell, and that's what matters. A smile comes to his face as he returns the touch with a brush of fingers across his man's warm cheek, and then he's being pulled into a kiss that takes all metaphorical breath away from him.
God he's missed this. He's missed these lips and being in these arms. His arms wrap around Dorian instantly, sending them tipping back onto the bed as he presses their lips together over and over again. Somewhere in the mess he parts his lips and finds his lover's tongue with his own to dance with it again, and it's perfect. The kind of perfect they had every time they kissed and enjoyed each other's bodies on Earth or here in Duplicity. The kind of perfect poets try to write about and fail at, because they're all too mortal to know what a love like this actually is.
[It breaks his heart in the very best way to hear those words from this man right now. The time they're sharing feels stilted, and endless at the same time, as he allows the music of them to settle over him. Dorian runs his hands down the length of Toby's torso as they come together, taking in the achingly familiar sensation of soft, well-worn flannel beneath his fingers, before he starts working at buttons. There's nothing his heart, and body crave more, than the passion with this man that Lucifer stole from him, but that kept playing in his head on loop regardless, because it was all so perfect - until it was everything but.
He's missed giving everything to this man that he's never surrendered to anyone else, and knowing it will be received with nothing but love, and enthusiastic acceptance.]
I know I can, [he contradicts.] That was every single breath for me, after you died.
[The memories make the need to fill those aching holes in his soul all the more insistent. As he finishes peeling the other man's shirt away, he pauses, and looks down into the vampire's face from where he's seated upon the man.]
You should bite me-- [Dorian breathes out, along with the rising tide of need, and love for the man beneath his hands.] we should-- I want us to have that right now. [To, as Toby once explained to him what feels like so long ago now, bind their lives together in blood.]
[Before Dorian can finish making his request, Toby's sitting up beneath his lover to pull the man to him for a kiss. A long, slow kiss that begins with arms around his chest and ends with fingers in his hair and a bite to his lower lip. When he meets those gorgeous ice blue eyes again, he smiles and tips Dorian's face toward his.]
You didn't have to ask. I was never going to make you wait. [He couldn't have waited, either. It's been too long - 241 days and a number of hours - since they last had this, and he's missed it. He's fed on Dorian's blood since then, but it's not the same. It never could be.
He kisses his soulmate again, insistently pulling Dorian flush against him in a bid to feel the way Dorian's heart starts to race in anticipation. He holds it too long, leaves them both breathless, then parts to start pressing his lips slowly along the other man's jaw. Then down his neck. Then finally to that wonderful, excited, strong pulse. The feeling of it beneath his lips, the truth of his lover alive and in his arms again, brings tears back to his eyes, and rather than give them any space to disrupt, he plunges ahead by driving his fangs into Dorian's neck.
It's all he's ever wanted from his life, and all he'll ever want this day forward. This bloody idiot is his and the tears of relief and joy flowing down his steadily warming cheeks only remind him how much he needs him. Forever.]
[Dorian gasps, and then groans deeply, at the familiar, and much missed, pain of fangs driving into his neck. It's just as exquisite as he remembers, and with every audible swallow of his own blood, he can feel the heightening of sensation in his body stitching them together again. His hold on Toby firms as the man draws from him, because he needs to keep the man close to him in this moment. He needs to truly feel how this is going to be his reality again, lest he wake up in a few hours and be made to wonder if it really happened, or that it was all, the way it has been, a nightmare.
He doesn't want to bear even another moment of that, now that he has Toby back again.
When the other man finally pulls away, Dorian exhales shakily, and opens his eyes to the burning of brilliant and sumptuous colours all around them both. Everything is as beautiful and picturesque as it always is whenever Toby bites him, and now more than ever he knows why. This is his life, when he has the vampire in it - only when he has Toby in it.
How did he manage to keep dragging himself through his existence, without this? The thought only makes his need, and desire, for the other man that much more urgent. Reaching out, he captures Toby's face in his hands, and brings them together in a passionate, and bloodstained kiss. He holds it for as long as he can manage, and then draws away with a breath, to start pulling at his pants, and every other scrap of clothing still on his body.]
I can't wait another second, [he needs this man to fuck him, now] I need you now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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But there's a piece of all this that he can't get past. Demanding that Toby prove he isn't Lucifer after the man simply showed up does sound like something he would do, but his perfect memory doesn't hold a single second of the incident.]
I don't remember any of that. [He should. The portrait ensures it. How could this happen?
But glancing around at the foyer they're standing in, there's a ring of truth to Toby's words. Every inch of this house is attuned to his preferences. Toby would let him dictate their aesthetic. Sure, the man would complain about flourishes he didn't agree with, but he'd always come around in the end.] But I also can't see you making up a place this nice on your own.
[So that's it. In this place, the dead can live again, and people can leave and return without any sense that they've been here before. It's not the strangest thing he's ever experienced, but it's close. There will be more to say about this later, but getting a play by play account of the last time he was here is the last thing he wants right now. Dorian draws a steadying breath.]
No, I-- I don't need that. [He runs his fingers slowly along the line of Toby's jaw, refamiliarizing himself with the perfect face he knows so well.] I know it's you, [he asserts. And what a thing that is to say, and feel the truth of it settle into his bones.] I knew from the second voicemail I heard, and ... especially when you told me there were fae in the city. [The smallest of fond smiles forms at the corners of his mouth.] You knew I'd want to hear all the gory details about something like that. [He doesn't know how to explain it, but what he heard is enough. The voicemails hurt, but it wasn't the kind of pain Lucifer would have inflicted. Toby sent him pieces of himself, some significant and others mundane, and the resulting tapestry was unmistakably him. Dorian's smile fades, and he looks up to meet Toby's eyes, his own red and glossy, and widening with comprehension.]
I missed you. [The breath he takes is short and shuddering, and a single tear slips down one of his cheeks as the weight of everything hits him again.] There aren't enough words in our world or this one to say how much.
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He chuckles when Dorian digs at him about the house. Yeah, he figured it would come out about like that. Dorian could always tell what was his work and what wasn't, and they have a way about their lives that works for them. If his soulmate can see it in their house? All the better for getting them back to where they want to be. Deserve to be.
Tugging the other man closer, he lets him say everything he needs to get out and then presses their foreheads together. He'd not forgotten how warm Dorian is, but to feel him again, completely and in reality, is a balm to a wound that's been open for far too long. A wound he never thought would close or heal for the rest of his life. He's still not sure it'll ever fully close while the city's got so many things it can do to them, but this? Being together and having a life together the way they'd planned? God, yes he wants it more than anything.
He brushes the lone tear from his boyfriend's face and smiles softly.] I've missed you too, Dorian. In ways I never thought possible and that poets could never describe. I love you so much, and when you were gone, it was as if my whole world crumbled. [As Dorian should well know from the voicemails, but it bears saying. Dorian needs to hear it from him the way Toby wanted it for so long while the man was gone.
His face softens as he tips the other man's chin up so he can press their lips together in a long, slow kiss. One that barely scratches the surface of all the longing and feelings he's been holding in for months. It's not enough, but it gives him enough peace of mind to say the words he needs to say now that this man has come back into his life.]
Marry me, [he whispers.] I've lost you too many times not to have this with you. Please, let's do this. [He slips away to get down on one knee in front of the other man, holding his hand in both of his.] Please, Dorian Christopher Gray, marry me.
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Everything feels dreamlike when they pull apart, as if there's nothing in the world but the pair of them standing together in this foyer. Dorian automatically leans back in for another kiss, but finds his attempt stymied by--
-- what. He blinks several times in quick succession as Toby pulls away from him, proposes, and then drops down on one knee.
Did that really just happen? Is it happening? What on God's green and verdant--]
What? [Dorian stares dumbfounded at Toby, his feet knocked completely out from under him by the sight of the man staring earnestly up at him from the floor. This isn't a joke - he knows that much, especially when it's coming from Toby - but it's so spontaneous that he's left struggling to find a more substantial response to how crazy this feels.]
What on Earth are you doing? I've only just returned - we've only just found each other again. [He gets why the man is doing this, but why is he doing it so suddenly? They've barely just finished talking about how he was, apparently here before, but has no memory of it when he should.
He was already overwhelmed, and this is only adding an entire new level on top.]
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Of course he can't say that to Dorian Gray and win the argument, so he doesn't attempt. Their world's most unattainable bachelor (until he came along) needs more than "because we love each other" as a reason to make the leap, and Toby knows that. They've fought about it too many times for him to believe otherwise.]
We keep proving to the universe-- multiverse, I guess? that nothing can keep us apart. No matter what happens to us, no matter what shit we go through, they can't tear us apart. Not forever. So marry me and let's make it the official the rest of existence sees us.
[He's not likely to win with this argument, but he figures he can pull out the big guns once Dorian's shit on his more fanciful and romantic notions.]
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You've lost your mind, [he says, halfway trying to convince himself, as much as Toby] which, frankly, I get, because that's been my last eight months. But we can't just...
[Dorian breathes out, trying to get a handle on himself when Toby's thrown him so completely off his game.]
We shouldn't make a decision like this, when emotions are high and neither of us knows what we're doing here. [Right? Isn't finding the ground beneath their feet more important? Wrapping their heads around all of this and finding out how they fit together here?
He might be trying to convince himself, as he catches both his literal and figurative breath.]
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When would be a better time than this? When would we know better than now what we'll always want with each other? I've known since long before you were taken from me that you're it for me, Dorian. Every time we come back together, we both say it. And then we always fall more in love with each other as we keep living together and deepening our relationship.
[He squeezes Dorian's hands gently.] I know I'm out of my mind, but it's only because you took it with you when you took my heart. I've gone absolutely mad without you, and I'm only thinking clearly now because you're back.
[It's why he knows this is the right decision. There's no other place for either of them to be, so why should they fight it?]
I don't want to have to wonder again about our relationship. I want to know always, even if shit goes wrong, that we've chosen each other and are in this with each other. [He frowns, expression pleading with his boyfriend to just listen to him for once.] I want a symbol together that proves we're in this 'til the end with each other. Getting married does that, in a way we'll never have to question.
[They'll have all the telltale signs of marriage on them if they do this, rings and his new name and all, and no one will ever question if they should be this way, including themselves.]
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Who cares if marriage is something everyone thinks couples should do once they've been together long enough, or love each other enough? They've - and especially him - never lived their lives along the lines of what other people think, so why should they confirm themselves in the eyes and minds of people who don't matter, and who are all going to die, anyway? It's nonsensical, and not something they need, even if it's something Toby wants.
But none of those objections can coalesce while he's still on his back foot. All he can manage, as Toby grips at him and the face he's longed for is so close to his own, is,]
I don't want anything to change, [he protests.] I've proven myself to you, over and over, and shown you that I love you. That I've chosen you. That I'd die for you. [And die without him.]
If my word and heart aren't enough to prove that to you beyond question, some piece of paper marking a convention people made up isn't going to change that.
[He feels anger and self-pity starting to rise in his chest, along with the desire to get Toby's hands off him. He hates this. Why in God's name did the man have to be so-- himself and do this to them now?]
cw: reference to suicide
[He shouldn't've expected any different than this. Part of him had been hoping Dorian would be ready to have an adult conversation about the topic now that they're not on the heels of decades of heartache that followed his death when they watched the sunrise together. Maybe he did ask too soon after Dorian got back to the city, but was it ever going to be better or easier for the man to hear it at another time? Absolutely not. This was always going to be shitty in his eyes, so if there was a time to do it, it's now.
All Toby wishes is that his boyfriend would stop navel gazing long enough to see that he's putting a lot more on the very idea of marriage than actually exists in the vampire's words.]
Nothing would change but those things, Dorian. The two of us would wear rings, maybe have a piece of paper to celebrate, and I'd put in with whatever bloody authority I have to here to change my name. Even if they tell me know, I'd take yours anyway, because I want that to show I'm yours.
[He hesitates a moment, then releases Dorian's hands. The younger man's starting to tense in that way that says he's going to need a drink or to break off soon, and he'd rather not have his soulmate rip himself away right now. This hurts enough to be told no again on the basis of arguments he never even made.]
I'm not asking you to prove anything to me. I know you love me and that we both want to be together. All I'm asking is you stop being so bloody selfish for once and let me have this one thing, this symbolic thing that won't change what our relationship is, so we both know, in every way possible, that this is it for us. [He frowns at the other man.] Is that really so terrible of me to ask?
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You don't know that nothing will change - you can't know that. [Yes, Toby's been married before, but it wasn't a real marriage, even by the man's own words.]
What if the reason we've worked out together the way we have, is because we've chosen one another in our own way? You want this because it satisfies some romantic fantasy you've had about our relationship since we started. [Basically.] Yeah? What if you get it, and realize it doesn't hold up anywhere near to the idea in your mind?
That's how these things work, Toby. Especially with me. I've seen it a thousand times.
[After something like that, which always happens to him when someone holds him up to some kind of romantic ideal, everything always turns into disillusionment and resentment.]
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[God, why can't he see how ridiculous he's being right now? Accusing Toby of letting things change while he's been claiming for years that he doesn't change, that they don't be virtue of being immortal. It can't be both ways. Not if their lives are going to work. Seeing as they have been working for years, it must all be fine. So all... this that's got Dorian shouting and pushing him away is all so much shite.]
You're such a hypocrite, [he mutters, looking away as he starts to dig in his pockets.] Constantly telling me we can't change, yet accusing me of doing so the second we get married without any proof I will. We've basically been married for years. The whole of the network even said it a year ago! [He grimaces before adding,] That'll come back to you, but I can show you the post if you're going to be an ass about all this.
[With a sigh, he lights up a cigarette. He doesn't offer one to the other man before putting both carton and lighter back in his pocket.] I want the symbol this is. I want my one fantasy to come true. Fuck me for wanting that, yeah? [He laughs darkly and drags at his cigarette, shaking his head as he exhales.]
I need a bloody drink.
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So fucking... why? Why now, when all he wants to do - or did want to do, anyway - is hold the man and kiss the life from him?]
I'm the one who doesn't change - that's the whole point. You stalked me for years, and I know you saw how commitment works out for me. I'm not-- a husband, and I've never pretended I could, or should, be.
[Toby should have known that.]
And even if I said yes, what part of that suits a romantic dream? You know what I'd be thinking even as we walked down the aisle.
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[He doesn't care if it's wallowing; he's getting himself a drink and any arguments to the contrary are getting shut down. If Dorian cares to bring it up.]
Are you so thick you don't see it? Or so cynical you've forgotten what it's like to daydream? [He shakes his head as he pours a double of whiskey for himself and immediately throws it back.] Landing the eternal bachelor was only the start. Landing him and having him love me enough to say yes to my one stupidly selfish and silly request is the dream. A dream I only want with him. No big ceremony. No white lace gown. No top hats or tuxes. Just us, swearing ourselves while we exchange vows and rings, then living on as we have.
[It would be so easy. He frowns as he pours himself another drink.] You're scared it's going to end the way Harry told you it would, or that I'll do something reckless and stupid if you hurt me. But I'm not Sybil, and I'm not some stranger who's just met you. I know you, Dorian Gray. I chose this life with you. I know loving you will hurt sometimes. [Another shake of his head as he trudges back over to the other man and offers the refilled glass.]
I'm willing to take that risk with you, because that dream only comes true with you.
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Scared. As much as it grates to admit it, he knows he's scared. He can feel the fear thrumming through him even now. Harry and Sybil changed everything. How could he not see truth in Harry's words - that truth repeating over and over again for decades - when the first example started with a thoughtless mistake that ended everything his life could have been, forever? The circumstances here aren't the same, but at this moment and all others, the past hangs over him like a leaden curtain. Will always be there, pushing on his present. In the worst sense, this made him who he is. It's a painful reality that's on the verge of cutting right through him, if it's only pressed on too hard.
And how could he not be scared, when Toby could be torn away at any time, and over so little? When he already has, several times? Everything between them has always been borrowed time, whether they knew it or wanted to admit it. How is this different now? He doesn't know how to look past that.
So why can he not simply let go of all that for now, and have this one, perfect (well, not perfect now) moment where none of that is true? Where none of it has happened again yet?]
Of course I'm scared. [When he finally speaks, the words come out breathless and small, and as overwhelmed as he feels.] Every time we're together, and things between us start to get good, and I start to think we've found something worth keeping, something happens to change that. We keep coming back together, and then get torn apart. If I'm about to remember that it happened again in however long it takes here, I don't-- [he draws a sharp breath] it's just ... so much, Toby.
[Another breath.]
I don't daydream - haven't for years - because what's there to daydream about, Toby? We get married and have lives we could have only dreamed of when we were young, and then it falls apart? [He truly doesn't know.]
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[He pushes the drink into Dorian's hands so he can gently tip the man's chin up to meet his eyes. Those goddamn beautiful eyes that no other can ever have. So deep and haunted, yet ever young and full of life. As he stares into them, he's certain Dorian's got no idea how much he has if he can see it with a single look into the man's eyes.]
Being scared of something has never stopped you from doing it before. You throw yourself recklessly into everything, but you won't even try with this. I know Harry's fingerprints are all over your life, but will you let him dictate the whole of it? Why do you want to give him such power over you long after he's dead? [A frown pulls at his lips.] I've met hundreds of couples who loved each other 'til death parted them, Dorian, who didn't push each other away or stop throwing themselves in one another's arms whenever they had the chance. God knows that death or some other pull apart may be what's coming for us, but we don't know that. We never can until it's on us. That's how our lives are. [It's how they'll always be.
He takes a slow breath and releases his boyfriend's face with a last brush of his thumb along that perfect, unblemished cheek.] There's everything to daydream about when we're this old. The things we want to share with each other that we didn't have the chance to on Earth. Gossip and use of mortals for entertainment whenever we're feeling bored. The years we can spend trying new things together and tackling all the mysteries you want to throw yourself into. I want all of that and everything else with you, the same I'll always want that, and I know that because I don't change nearly as much as you say I do. I certainly didn't while you were gone.
So we take this step, we do something for us that doesn't have to include anyone else, and we keep living the same unpredictable, reckless, and endlessly curious lives we always have. The only difference is a change in title. [He smiles lightly, chuckling at his next thought before he says it.] And me officially being a Gray.
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Harry. Toby just has to put this in terms of not letting a dead, beloved and hated, friend continue to rule his life, doesn't he? He balks at the idea, of course, because it's... true. And he can't deny it. He allowed this, and then once the man died, and he thought himself truly his own person, he kept right on looking for pieces to fit into the old pattern. To prove Harry right.
It's not the way he wants to be. Not for Lucifer, not for Harry, not for anyone. This is his life, and after all the abuse over the years, he will live his life on his terms. He can be anything his wants, and make of his life exactly what he wants. He decided that again on the shores of Whitby, and it's not a decision he's going back on now.
As Toby looks into his eyes and touches his face, and the man tells him that this isn't going to change them, but only be... something new to try? Absurdly, in the same way it always feels absurd when Toby hopes for something bright, and hopeful between them where he can't see it, himself ... he believes it. Just for a moment.
Damn this persuasive man who knows him all too well, and loves him unconditionally.
When the vampire pulls away, Dorian draws a breath to compose himself, and throws back a generous amount of the drink Toby pressed into his hand. Fuck him. Is he honestly thinking of going for this?
He supposes he is. For the sake of what Toby sees between them, and what he himself really, actually wants to be true.]
God. [Dorian wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand, savouring the mild distraction of the burn in the back of his throat. It helps stave off how terrifying this all is.] You had a lot of time to think about all this, didn't you? [He's not mocking - it's genuinely flooring, and he's overwhelmed.
Working to try and compose himself, Dorian takes another sip of his drink. He'll need more, soon.]
You're right. [He laughs softly, hollowly, in disbelief.] All this time I've been telling myself that I make my own self, my own life, but all I've been is a piece of someone else's music. For years. [It hurts to say. He hates it. It's unfair that it's been this way because he was young and foolish, and didn't know any better at the time, and then didn't think to try and know any better.] I've been playing the same tune since I heard it at 19.
Do you know what I told Lucifer at Whitby? When he told me to die? [It's a rhetorical question, because Toby must know, even if he doesn't remember telling the man. He would have.] When I met him, I was prepared. I rehearsed what I wanted to say before I surrendered everything to him. [He exhales.] But he told me to die, and as soon as he did, I knew I didn't want to.
I'm not anyone's-- puppet. [Not anymore. Not for another single fucking person, fallen angel, god, anyone. Raising his glass again, Dorian finishes off the last of his drink, and then puts it down onto the nearest surface with a loud clatter.]
So fuck him. Fuck him and Harry. Let's make another choice for ourselves, because you think there's everything to gain. [And, for a shred of a moment, Toby made him believe it, too.] Let's do it.
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But when he does get it, in typical Dorian fashion, his eyes well up with tears. Let's do it might be his new favourite words for how they make his heart metaphorically soar. He said yes, and that's really all Toby needed to hear before he does the thing they both need by closing the small distance between them recklessly fast so he can pull Dorian into a deep and passionate kiss. A kiss that finally, finally lets out some of the tension that's lived in him since he woke up to find his boyfriend gone and nothing but a hole in his heart in the man's place.]
I love you, Dorian Gray. [He murmurs the words when he lets them part for a breath, not caring how they sound both delighted and desperate. None of it matters now that Dorian's here again. It matters even less now that Dorian's agreed to marry him. Nothing could possibly matter but kissing the life from this wonderful, reckless, cynical, passionate man with everything he is.
Well, almost nothing. There's one tiny thing he wants to hear first.]
Do me a favour before I take you to bed? [He smirks, letting the tears on his cheeks go ignored.] Let me get down on one knee again and say yes? I promise the sex will be so worth it.
[This is the dream, Dorian. Please let him have it.]
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Maybe this will be fine. Maybe nothing will change. Maybe Toby's right about enough of it. Maybe--
Christ, the vampire's really going to make this as dramatic as possible, isn't he? (Of course he is. That's who the vampire is.) Why is this happening to him? Flustering slightly, Dorian feels himself actually blush a little, for how the man's caught him off guard yet again.
Satan just kill him now. He doesn't blush. Ever.]
All right. [What's the point in resisting now, when he's already said yes? But they're definitely having another drink after this if it kills him - which it can't, so they will - and he's getting the best sex of his life. Sighing, Dorian steps back to make room, and gestures at the floor.] Go ahead-- kneel to your heart's content.
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As I was saying, this is important to me, darling. Being with you is important to me, and I want to do this the right way for us both. [He beams up at the other man and gently takes both his hands in his own.] I love you, Dorian Christopher Gray. Please, make me the happiest man in any universe, and marry me.
[God, it's a good thing he hasn't gotten a bite of the other man yet or his heart would beat its way from his chest. Even knowing he's already got the yes doesn't stop the anticipation from trying to kill him. In a good way this time! But it's still a lot on the heart in those moments he's waiting for that blissful syllable to come from his soulmate's mouth.]
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No, he's not stalling. You're stalling.Dorian huffs a disbelieving laugh as the vampire takes his hands in his own, but then happens to catch the man's eye in time to see Toby beaming up at him. Damn this man and his unearthly, beautiful smile, and how much it hurts in the very best way to see his boyfriend looking at him like this. He's missed this more than anything in any world. The sight makes his stomach do the totally out of place, and ill-fitting flips it hasn't done since he was truly young.
He could kill this man and kill for him, all at this moment.
Sighing again, in spite of himself, Dorian smiles slightly.]
Yes, I'll marry you. [He grants (generously, he thinks) Toby a few seconds to soak in his acceptance, and then draws one of his hands back to reach for the glass he set down on the nearby table.] But first, I want to drink until we can't stand, and you need to kiss me until I can't breathe.
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He draws Dorian to him with both hands on the man's face and lays the most impossibly excited and loving kiss on the man that he can manage. He shamelessly holds it far too long, until he can feel his fiancé both struggling to keep their lips together and starting to lose his grip on the glass in his hand. The grin on his face is extra cheeky when they part.]
Only if I get to take you upstairs first. [He slips an arm about Dorian's waist to pull him over to the nearest bar cart, handing the man a mostly full bottle.] It's all whiskey, but we'll get you a celebratory bottle of gin later. For now...
[There's a few seconds of hesitation wherein the younger immortal has a chance to think about what's surely coming next. He can't stop it, but he'll have a chance to fluster or protest. Then, with too much fanfare, Toby sweeps Dorian into his arms to start carrying him bridal style toward the bedroom.]
Off to bed with us, darling. I think this celebration of ours calls for that.
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But honestly? There's no other place in the multiverse he wants to be right now. If it means being carried like a farmhouse wife, he would have done so much infinitely worse simply for the chance to be in this moment.]
You're skipping steps with going for the threshold carry now, [he says dryly. But god yes, please take him to bed.
He's just going to work at the top of the bottle in his arms as he's hauled upstairs, and take a solid gulp from the thing once he's put down atop their fittingly sumptuous bed. When he's done, he puts the bottle aside on the night stand, and curls fingers into Toby's shirt to draw the man to him.]
You should have shown me this room first, [there's genuine appreciation in his tone, even with such a good, and necessary distraction at hand, and in hand] I'd have accepted this was ours even faster than I did the foyer.
[When Toby comes close, Dorian shifts his hold to the lines of the vampire's jaw, and simply basks in the man's presence for a few seconds. It hurts, makes his heart race, to be so near to everything that's been so impossibly far away for so long. Too long. He isn't sure he's actually breathing as he presses himself close to his lover for another, wholly necessary kiss, but nothing could be further from mattering now that he has Toby back with him again.]
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He pauses all forward momentum when the younger immortal takes his face between his hands to look at him. Toby's in a rush to get to all the best parts, but getting the chance to really see Dorian like this is... Heaven, of a sorts. It's at least the exact opposite of Hell, and that's what matters. A smile comes to his face as he returns the touch with a brush of fingers across his man's warm cheek, and then he's being pulled into a kiss that takes all metaphorical breath away from him.
God he's missed this. He's missed these lips and being in these arms. His arms wrap around Dorian instantly, sending them tipping back onto the bed as he presses their lips together over and over again. Somewhere in the mess he parts his lips and finds his lover's tongue with his own to dance with it again, and it's perfect. The kind of perfect they had every time they kissed and enjoyed each other's bodies on Earth or here in Duplicity. The kind of perfect poets try to write about and fail at, because they're all too mortal to know what a love like this actually is.
That smile's still on his face when they part again for a breath, and he's pleasantly surprised to find he's pulled his fiancé atop him. He brushes a few stray curls from the man's face, then leans up for another, softer, but still entirely perfect kiss.]
I love you so much, Dorian Gray. You can't even begin to know how much I've missed you.
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He's missed giving everything to this man that he's never surrendered to anyone else, and knowing it will be received with nothing but love, and enthusiastic acceptance.]
I know I can, [he contradicts.] That was every single breath for me, after you died.
[The memories make the need to fill those aching holes in his soul all the more insistent. As he finishes peeling the other man's shirt away, he pauses, and looks down into the vampire's face from where he's seated upon the man.]
You should bite me-- [Dorian breathes out, along with the rising tide of need, and love for the man beneath his hands.] we should-- I want us to have that right now. [To, as Toby once explained to him what feels like so long ago now, bind their lives together in blood.]
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You didn't have to ask. I was never going to make you wait. [He couldn't have waited, either. It's been too long - 241 days and a number of hours - since they last had this, and he's missed it. He's fed on Dorian's blood since then, but it's not the same. It never could be.
He kisses his soulmate again, insistently pulling Dorian flush against him in a bid to feel the way Dorian's heart starts to race in anticipation. He holds it too long, leaves them both breathless, then parts to start pressing his lips slowly along the other man's jaw. Then down his neck. Then finally to that wonderful, excited, strong pulse. The feeling of it beneath his lips, the truth of his lover alive and in his arms again, brings tears back to his eyes, and rather than give them any space to disrupt, he plunges ahead by driving his fangs into Dorian's neck.
All at once he feels complete. Everything he's been missing is right here, under his hands and streaming crimson over his tongue, and it's as close to perfect as anything ever need be. He moans softly as he grips at his fiancé, pulling hard and steady as they're finally, fully reconnected in the way he never will be with anyone but this wonderfully reckless man he loves.
It's all he's ever wanted from his life, and all he'll ever want this day forward. This bloody idiot is his and the tears of relief and joy flowing down his steadily warming cheeks only remind him how much he needs him. Forever.]
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He doesn't want to bear even another moment of that, now that he has Toby back again.
When the other man finally pulls away, Dorian exhales shakily, and opens his eyes to the burning of brilliant and sumptuous colours all around them both. Everything is as beautiful and picturesque as it always is whenever Toby bites him, and now more than ever he knows why. This is his life, when he has the vampire in it - only when he has Toby in it.
How did he manage to keep dragging himself through his existence, without this? The thought only makes his need, and desire, for the other man that much more urgent. Reaching out, he captures Toby's face in his hands, and brings them together in a passionate, and bloodstained kiss. He holds it for as long as he can manage, and then draws away with a breath, to start pulling at his pants, and every other scrap of clothing still on his body.]
I can't wait another second, [he needs this man to fuck him, now] I need you now.
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cw: mentions of addiction/drugs/alcoholism
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cw: talk of drug use
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