It's a difficult question, and an unexpected burden that Toby's unintentionally laid at his feet. He can't say what he "should" to a question like that, because it isn't the truth and wouldn't feel right in these moments of excruciating honesty and sincerity, and especially after admitting that he knows he can't overpower Toby under the worst circumstances.
"I love you." He takes a long moment to consider his words, and then offers entirely earnestly: "What I know is that you decided to die, and then came back and lived again. Part of that was because of me, but not all of it was." That, at least, is honest and something he can say without the danger of it feeling like a platitude. He takes a breath, his hand shifting to grip at the one fretfully wrapped around his own. "I think you're stronger and more beautiful than you can see."
It's a half-answer to his question, but one Toby appreciates. His current life was given to him by Dorian's wish, but the man at his side isn't his whole world. Especially after being forced apart for a while, it's been proven to the vampire that he does have things outside of their relationship that are meaningful to him. Some of them are ephemeral or fleeting (looking at you, multitudes of old games he no longer plays), but he's made real connections with other immortals who aren't going anywhere and appreciates many fine things in life that aren't about to change (literature and music namely among them). Dorian may still be at the top of his list of ...pretty much everything, but hearing words of encouragement like this help him remember to keep everything in perspective.
He tightens his grip on Dorian's hand slightly and offers his lover a warm smile. "Thank you for being honest with me." They could have danced around a lot of this and ended up pulling back again from it. Toby's still not fully confident in himself or his ability to keep himself in check, but his slightly adjusted perspective makes reaching for this kind connection feel doable. He leans in and presses a lingering kiss to the other man's lips, tugging himself as close to other man's body as he can in the process.
"I love you too," he whispers when they part. He releases Dorian's hand to touch the man's face instead. "Let's do this." This is still a terrifying idea, but he's not letting this go. Not this time. They need this, he needs this, and holding back now means having to go through conversations like this yet again before they can move forward. He can do this, even if it's not the same as it was before. "Are you comfortable here? Or would you prefer the bed? You know I'll take you wherever and whenever I can."
The kiss is good, and feels like a step back towards them coming together again after a difficult conversation. Dorian opens himself to it, and wraps his arms around his lover to draw him closer as Toby touches his face with such open and gentle affection. Before he answers the other man, he leans in again to take another kiss from his lips, giving himself the few moments he needs to register his own surprise that Toby wants to try to move past the worries weighing him down. He mostly expected that they'd both back down and try again later, to give the idea time to settle and potentially feel more palatable.
"The bed." It's messier, probably, but the choice feels right in a way he couldn't describe if asked. It's the first place they reconnected again after finding each other, and he wants it. Dorian reaches up to push a bit of wet hair away from Toby's forehead, and then takes his hand more firmly in his own. "We'll be more comfortable."
His heart thuds oddly, excitedly in his chest as he reaches across the gap between tub and wall to fetch them both their towels. As much as it isn't truly for him, this feels like a risk, and as terrible as the consequences might be for both of them, there's a part of him that will always feel a measure of excitement when he knows he's doing something that might be dangerous or forbidden in some way. It's a strange mixture of emotions to feel bubbling up as they climb out of the water together, but not at all unwelcome.
He leans into that last kiss, using it as a grounding force for himself before they get out of the tub together. If his heart could beat, he's certain it would be racing right now. They're walking to the edge of something wonderful and yet incredibly dangerous together for the first time in years, and the weight of that is enough to make his chest feel tight. No matter what happens now, incredible high or painful low, they're in this together and they'll come out the other side ready to take on whatever comes next.
Once they're both toweled off and have moved out of the en suite into the bedroom proper, Toby pauses them at the edge of the bed to draw Dorian into his arms for another string of messy, necessary kisses. As much as the kisses build the two of them up for the pleasure that's to come, they also help settle the vampire's nerves while they fall into bed together. He's made the decision to move forward with this, but anything to keep his mind in the moment is helpful right now. Warm hands on his body and warm flesh for him to kiss and touch will always help, and this time is no exception. It hardly feels like any time has passed before they're both slick with sweat in bed, any benefits from their bath removed by bodies eager to connect in a way that's far deeper than any sex could ever hope to achieve. The desire makes it difficult for the vampire to part himself from his soulmate, but he manages by pressing the other man's body into the decadent sheets on the bed and fitting their bodies together enough to give them a little something to sate their need for more.
"You ready for this?" It's an unnecessary question between them, but he still needs to ask. This needs to be a choice Dorian makes before they move forward. He touches the other man's face gently, his fingers then trailing down his neck to come to rest along his collarbone. The man's pulse, eager and excited as ever, is waiting to be tapped, and Toby won't hesitate to take what's offered the second consent is given.
Dorian grips hard at Toby as they touch and kiss in bed, not really able to help himself when his lover is this close, and when there's a tense and unfamiliar air of something hanging over this moment between them. Toby couldn't feel dangerous to him, but it's been made clear that this is a risk. If it goes horribly wrong, he could end up being hurt, potentially even killed, however accidental it all would be. But the real consequences of that are much worse than the sick feeling or short and painful death that would result-- if this fails, the weight it would lay on the vampire's soul is a thousand times worse and more lasting than fresh wounds on his portrait. He knows Toby more than well enough to know how deep the injury to his soul would cleave.
That knowledge makes this wrong in so many more ways than it used to be. It adds a thrilling and sickly anxious layer to feeling fingertips come to rest against his chest. He has no expectations or idea what might happen. Hopes, of course, but nothing firm to grab onto beyond the body stretched out and pressed into his own. He drags Toby back into another hard kiss right before the man pulls away, and then delves his fingers into his messy, still-damp hair, not letting him further away than he wants him to be right now. A few panted breaths later, and then Dorian nods in response to the question posed to him.
"It's now or never." And he wants it.
A shiver of hesitation in the chill body against his, a cut-off draw of breath --last minute stabs of self-doubt? building excitement? both?-- precede the familiar pain of sharp teeth breaking the skin high up on his neck. Dorian grips suddenly harder at Toby to keep from lurching reflexively at the feeling, fingers digging into the back of the other man's neck and arm. The feeling will pass quickly enough, as quickly as it ever did, and then the rush will come.
cw: blood (also i will never not laugh at that warning, ty for your contribution to the world)
The hesitation is only somewhat planned on Toby's part. He gives himself a half second to gather his thoughts, and then he pushes everything aside as he draws out his fangs and pushes them into Dorian's warm, soft neck.
All at once, the multiverse shifts in much the same way his world did the first time he and Dorian came together like this. Rather than the world ending because the man beneath him pulled back or his own mind broke, everything leaps forward in a way it never did when they last had the chance for this. With his own soul resting in his body, the connection of having Dorian in his veins, on his tongue, and inside his body in a way that defies explanation makes him shiver and moan with a pleasure unlike any he's ever experienced. His body can't get high his lover's does, but it can still feel the way their souls mingle in ways their bodies never can. Coming together in this way connects them on levels that exist in no other context, and it feels amazing.
He pulls gently from Dorian's body, taking care to not take so much of the man's blood that it would completely override his sense of self. Still, he holds on for at least a minute, drinking his fill of his soulmate as his body flushes with a heat he's been sorely missing. Every part of him comes alive again from the gift of life the man bestows on him, and the thought is enough to make this even more intense than Toby thought it would be. When he lets go, his heart is thumping hard in his chest and every inch of him feels like it's on fire. He spares a moment to lap up what blood has trickled over his lover's pale neck and then leans in for what might be the most necessary kiss of all time.
His eyes are wide with lust of multiple varieties when he's forced to part from Dorian for a breath. A grin splits his lips as he revels in where they're at, what they're doing, and then he leans back in for more. There isn't much time for them to enjoy the warmth of his body before it fades, and Toby's not about to waste a single second of it. They've made it this far, they've finally found a foothold in something that's been eluding them for months, and he intends for them to use and enjoy it until they're both completely spent.
Dorian's hold on Toby loosens slightly as the other man draws from him, and the once-familiar, gripping feeling of euphoria that comes with this kind of bite washes over him. It's more intense than the short nips to his wrist that Toby's been subsisting on, and it's everything Dorian remembers but hasn't truly felt until this exact moment. He gasps and groans along with the man in his arms, shivering deeply as his every sense is inescapably heightened tenfold. Has he ever really noticed how vibrant the coloring of his bedspread and the walls surrounding them are? Has any of their pain of the past few weeks, any of the sweetness of his lover's care for him, come through so richly as it all seems to be present in their intimacy right now?
Connecting like this feels like taking back something that has always been theirs. Something unnameable has been returned to them, and now that it's here Dorian's more than willing to reach out and grasp it as tightly as he can.
The fervent kiss Toby presses to his lips absolutely is necessary, and once the pleasant spinning in his head clears for even a moment, he's pulling at his lover and deepening it to something needful and filthy. His lover drawing back and then dipping in for more is very welcome, but the moment they part for a necessary breath, he wraps his hands around the sides of the vampire's face to let himself take in a sight he hasn't been able to enjoy like this in more than a year.
"Toby-- Toby, Toby, Toby, hold on." His movements are loose and a little uncoordinated, but full of the ecstatic energy sparking beneath his skin. "I want to look at you."
The reaction reminds him of the first time they combined a bite with sex-- no, with making love, even when neither of them had the will to call it that. There's a need and desire that runs deeper than any other time they've come together since they found each other again some months ago, as if the last lock preventing them from opening this door to one another has been utterly destroyed. A bright grin, irrepressibly excited and almost... happy, pulls across his face as he takes Dorian's hands in his and puts them on his face.
"I'm right here," he tells the other man, no guile or teasing in his voice. He shifts his body against his lover's, moaning at the pleasure of it, then takes hold of the man's face so they can see only each other. No distractions. No thoughts of the dangers still waiting for them outside this room. No need for anyone else who isn't them. His expression softens as he takes in the view of his soulmate beneath him, and his grin melts into a warm, loving smile. "I see you, and I love you."
He wants to linger like this. He wants to stay here and stare into one another for hours, days, years if possible. But his heartbeat is beginning to slow in his chest and Toby knows they can't wait much longer. If they're going to do this, to really be together again, there's no more room for hesitation. So he allows his lover a last, long look at him before leaning in for another set of messy, needful kisses as his hands begin traveling down the man's body.
They can take the time to revel and wonder about all this later. Right now, Toby needs more and he's certain Dorian does, too. Warm hands and necessary breaths will only last for so long, and the vampire wants to use them while the chance is still theirs.
This is the kind of moment that played over and over in Dorian's dreams while they were apart. Even interspersed with nightmares, the heart-wrenching glimpse into what was had been a beautiful poison he'd sipped desperately, waking afterwards to fresh heartbreak and what had been a chance to snatch back a tiny, perfect scrap of the man his heart ached for. Every single time hurt more than anything, but the deprivation of that year only makes having Toby back in his arms like this so much sweeter.
Heightened senses only means that every ounce of passion they pour into each other burns that much more brightly. He can't help the appreciative shiver that passes through him as Toby grips at his face, and then tells him he loves him. Yes, this is exactly what he's been needing these past few months to fully take back everything that terror and suffering had stolen from him.
"I love you, too." An unexpected upswing in the emotion that floods in along with those words means that he's gripping Toby a bit harder, and searching out his lips again for another breathless kiss. "I won't let you go again." Not even if, in some freak turn of fate, the man decided he wanted to die again. He needs this in his life, they need this, and to keep it he'll take out anyone suicidal enough to try and get between them again.
Dorian's eyes slide shut as he grips at his soulmate and rocks his hips against the other man's, arousal climbing to an almost unbearable peak at even this amount of closeness. The motion earns another shiver, before he lays back just enough to wrap an arm around Toby's neck so he can find his gaze again.
"Like this," he says, drawing Toby in flush against him, and to press down along the length of his body in every way he can manage. "Don't prepare me; We're only going to lose your warmth."
It's music to his ears. Toby nods distractedly between kisses to his soulmate's lips, his hands already shifting them both around with ease and use of his vampiric strength. If it's not as smooth as it might normally be, Toby doesn't notice. They're going to have this, and he'll be damned if he spares any thoughts to how out of practice he is.
As he lines them up, he presses his forehead to Dorian's to give them both a good look at one another. With their eyes locked and their hearts racing (one going ever faster, the other struggling to keep up), he thrusts his way into his soulmate without any hesitation. At once the sensations - the warmth around every part of him, the lingering scent of Dorian's blood in the air, the mingling of their souls - takes what little breath the vampire had from his lungs. He exhales in a rush, then leans in for another breathless kiss to seal them together fully. It's enough and yet not at the same time, and Toby simply can't get enough.
There's only a few seconds for them to adjust to the feeling of coming together in this way before the vampire is moving them forward. One hand wraps around one of Dorian's hips as he begins to thrust into the other man while the other lingers on his lover's cheek to keep their lips pressed together. It's a loose and messy way to make love, but it feels more right than most anything has in the past few months. They're going to rush through this together, and Toby's going to make sure it's everything they've been waiting to have again.
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mayfairmonster) wrote2021-01-20 02:31 pm
no subject
"I love you." He takes a long moment to consider his words, and then offers entirely earnestly: "What I know is that you decided to die, and then came back and lived again. Part of that was because of me, but not all of it was." That, at least, is honest and something he can say without the danger of it feeling like a platitude. He takes a breath, his hand shifting to grip at the one fretfully wrapped around his own. "I think you're stronger and more beautiful than you can see."
no subject
He tightens his grip on Dorian's hand slightly and offers his lover a warm smile. "Thank you for being honest with me." They could have danced around a lot of this and ended up pulling back again from it. Toby's still not fully confident in himself or his ability to keep himself in check, but his slightly adjusted perspective makes reaching for this kind connection feel doable. He leans in and presses a lingering kiss to the other man's lips, tugging himself as close to other man's body as he can in the process.
"I love you too," he whispers when they part. He releases Dorian's hand to touch the man's face instead. "Let's do this." This is still a terrifying idea, but he's not letting this go. Not this time. They need this, he needs this, and holding back now means having to go through conversations like this yet again before they can move forward. He can do this, even if it's not the same as it was before. "Are you comfortable here? Or would you prefer the bed? You know I'll take you wherever and whenever I can."
no subject
"The bed." It's messier, probably, but the choice feels right in a way he couldn't describe if asked. It's the first place they reconnected again after finding each other, and he wants it. Dorian reaches up to push a bit of wet hair away from Toby's forehead, and then takes his hand more firmly in his own. "We'll be more comfortable."
His heart thuds oddly, excitedly in his chest as he reaches across the gap between tub and wall to fetch them both their towels. As much as it isn't truly for him, this feels like a risk, and as terrible as the consequences might be for both of them, there's a part of him that will always feel a measure of excitement when he knows he's doing something that might be dangerous or forbidden in some way. It's a strange mixture of emotions to feel bubbling up as they climb out of the water together, but not at all unwelcome.
no subject
Once they're both toweled off and have moved out of the en suite into the bedroom proper, Toby pauses them at the edge of the bed to draw Dorian into his arms for another string of messy, necessary kisses. As much as the kisses build the two of them up for the pleasure that's to come, they also help settle the vampire's nerves while they fall into bed together. He's made the decision to move forward with this, but anything to keep his mind in the moment is helpful right now. Warm hands on his body and warm flesh for him to kiss and touch will always help, and this time is no exception. It hardly feels like any time has passed before they're both slick with sweat in bed, any benefits from their bath removed by bodies eager to connect in a way that's far deeper than any sex could ever hope to achieve. The desire makes it difficult for the vampire to part himself from his soulmate, but he manages by pressing the other man's body into the decadent sheets on the bed and fitting their bodies together enough to give them a little something to sate their need for more.
"You ready for this?" It's an unnecessary question between them, but he still needs to ask. This needs to be a choice Dorian makes before they move forward. He touches the other man's face gently, his fingers then trailing down his neck to come to rest along his collarbone. The man's pulse, eager and excited as ever, is waiting to be tapped, and Toby won't hesitate to take what's offered the second consent is given.
cw: literal noms, apple-biting
That knowledge makes this wrong in so many more ways than it used to be. It adds a thrilling and sickly anxious layer to feeling fingertips come to rest against his chest. He has no expectations or idea what might happen. Hopes, of course, but nothing firm to grab onto beyond the body stretched out and pressed into his own. He drags Toby back into another hard kiss right before the man pulls away, and then delves his fingers into his messy, still-damp hair, not letting him further away than he wants him to be right now. A few panted breaths later, and then Dorian nods in response to the question posed to him.
"It's now or never." And he wants it.
A shiver of hesitation in the chill body against his, a cut-off draw of breath --last minute stabs of self-doubt? building excitement? both?-- precede the familiar pain of sharp teeth breaking the skin high up on his neck. Dorian grips suddenly harder at Toby to keep from lurching reflexively at the feeling, fingers digging into the back of the other man's neck and arm. The feeling will pass quickly enough, as quickly as it ever did, and then the rush will come.
cw: blood (also i will never not laugh at that warning, ty for your contribution to the world)
All at once, the multiverse shifts in much the same way his world did the first time he and Dorian came together like this. Rather than the world ending because the man beneath him pulled back or his own mind broke, everything leaps forward in a way it never did when they last had the chance for this. With his own soul resting in his body, the connection of having Dorian in his veins, on his tongue, and inside his body in a way that defies explanation makes him shiver and moan with a pleasure unlike any he's ever experienced. His body can't get high his lover's does, but it can still feel the way their souls mingle in ways their bodies never can. Coming together in this way connects them on levels that exist in no other context, and it feels amazing.
He pulls gently from Dorian's body, taking care to not take so much of the man's blood that it would completely override his sense of self. Still, he holds on for at least a minute, drinking his fill of his soulmate as his body flushes with a heat he's been sorely missing. Every part of him comes alive again from the gift of life the man bestows on him, and the thought is enough to make this even more intense than Toby thought it would be. When he lets go, his heart is thumping hard in his chest and every inch of him feels like it's on fire. He spares a moment to lap up what blood has trickled over his lover's pale neck and then leans in for what might be the most necessary kiss of all time.
His eyes are wide with lust of multiple varieties when he's forced to part from Dorian for a breath. A grin splits his lips as he revels in where they're at, what they're doing, and then he leans back in for more. There isn't much time for them to enjoy the warmth of his body before it fades, and Toby's not about to waste a single second of it. They've made it this far, they've finally found a foothold in something that's been eluding them for months, and he intends for them to use and enjoy it until they're both completely spent.
no subject
Connecting like this feels like taking back something that has always been theirs. Something unnameable has been returned to them, and now that it's here Dorian's more than willing to reach out and grasp it as tightly as he can.
The fervent kiss Toby presses to his lips absolutely is necessary, and once the pleasant spinning in his head clears for even a moment, he's pulling at his lover and deepening it to something needful and filthy. His lover drawing back and then dipping in for more is very welcome, but the moment they part for a necessary breath, he wraps his hands around the sides of the vampire's face to let himself take in a sight he hasn't been able to enjoy like this in more than a year.
"Toby-- Toby, Toby, Toby, hold on." His movements are loose and a little uncoordinated, but full of the ecstatic energy sparking beneath his skin. "I want to look at you."
no subject
"I'm right here," he tells the other man, no guile or teasing in his voice. He shifts his body against his lover's, moaning at the pleasure of it, then takes hold of the man's face so they can see only each other. No distractions. No thoughts of the dangers still waiting for them outside this room. No need for anyone else who isn't them. His expression softens as he takes in the view of his soulmate beneath him, and his grin melts into a warm, loving smile. "I see you, and I love you."
He wants to linger like this. He wants to stay here and stare into one another for hours, days, years if possible. But his heartbeat is beginning to slow in his chest and Toby knows they can't wait much longer. If they're going to do this, to really be together again, there's no more room for hesitation. So he allows his lover a last, long look at him before leaning in for another set of messy, needful kisses as his hands begin traveling down the man's body.
They can take the time to revel and wonder about all this later. Right now, Toby needs more and he's certain Dorian does, too. Warm hands and necessary breaths will only last for so long, and the vampire wants to use them while the chance is still theirs.
no subject
Heightened senses only means that every ounce of passion they pour into each other burns that much more brightly. He can't help the appreciative shiver that passes through him as Toby grips at his face, and then tells him he loves him. Yes, this is exactly what he's been needing these past few months to fully take back everything that terror and suffering had stolen from him.
"I love you, too." An unexpected upswing in the emotion that floods in along with those words means that he's gripping Toby a bit harder, and searching out his lips again for another breathless kiss. "I won't let you go again." Not even if, in some freak turn of fate, the man decided he wanted to die again. He needs this in his life, they need this, and to keep it he'll take out anyone suicidal enough to try and get between them again.
Dorian's eyes slide shut as he grips at his soulmate and rocks his hips against the other man's, arousal climbing to an almost unbearable peak at even this amount of closeness. The motion earns another shiver, before he lays back just enough to wrap an arm around Toby's neck so he can find his gaze again.
"Like this," he says, drawing Toby in flush against him, and to press down along the length of his body in every way he can manage. "Don't prepare me; We're only going to lose your warmth."
no subject
As he lines them up, he presses his forehead to Dorian's to give them both a good look at one another. With their eyes locked and their hearts racing (one going ever faster, the other struggling to keep up), he thrusts his way into his soulmate without any hesitation. At once the sensations - the warmth around every part of him, the lingering scent of Dorian's blood in the air, the mingling of their souls - takes what little breath the vampire had from his lungs. He exhales in a rush, then leans in for another breathless kiss to seal them together fully. It's enough and yet not at the same time, and Toby simply can't get enough.
There's only a few seconds for them to adjust to the feeling of coming together in this way before the vampire is moving them forward. One hand wraps around one of Dorian's hips as he begins to thrust into the other man while the other lingers on his lover's cheek to keep their lips pressed together. It's a loose and messy way to make love, but it feels more right than most anything has in the past few months. They're going to rush through this together, and Toby's going to make sure it's everything they've been waiting to have again.