It's been a lazy kind of day for the pair of soulmates. A late breakfast in place of lunch, some reading next to each other on the couch to the gentle sounds of Chopin, and now a hot bath scented with rose oil. Dorian was kind enough to read to them for a time, though Toby's focus has been much more on simply relaxing with his lover. His stomach - the monstrous one inside him that craves satiation in the form of human blood - is gnawing at him again and it's poking at the vampire in the worst of ways.
It would be easy to reach out and ask to feed off the other man; It's more difficult to grapple with how wrong it often still feels. He's managed a handful of times, when at the edge of his pain tolerance, to take his lover's wrist in hand and sate himself just enough to last another week or so, but it's so far from what he's been wanting. The connection that comes from drinking from Dorian is intense, but it's so much more when they're more intimate about it. Taking the man's life between his teeth, feeling him course through his veins as they complete each other in a way no other act ever could, it's... intoxicating, perfect despite the darkness that accompanies it. He wants it so badly, but getting there has been out of his reach.
There were a few other times he was close to going for it. They've been physically intimate so many times since finding one another again that Toby's lost count, and every time he presses his lips to Dorian's neck he wonders if he could do it. On a few rare occasions, he's even gone so far as to ask and gotten an enthusiastic yes in response, but every time he bared his fangs or put them to soft flesh, his mind would flash back to somewhere else. A dark alley, a corner of a crowded lobby, a bathroom stall, under a broken lamppost where no one could see. The face was different each time, but the process was the same: They were expendable food and he didn't give a shit about them. He charmed them, he bit them, and he left them. Seeing that when he knew he was with Dorian, in their home and with full consent, made his skin crawl and his stomach turn. He'd push himself away at the last second and turn away, panting and shaking as he dealt with the terror and the memories. It was a little easier to deal with each time, especially with his soulmate at his side. It also made it easier to reach for it the next time he tries.
So as they let all cares for the day melt away into the heat of their bath between the occasional kiss or addition of more hot water, Toby's thoughts drift again to the dueling desires of being closer to the man in his arms and the hunger gnawing at him. He winces at the mere thought of the latter, although he tries to cover it by shifting a little. Now that he inevitably has Dorian's attention, though, he thinks it's time to bring up what's on his mind.
"Say, Dorian," he begins slowly, his hands already beginning to fidget by stroking his lover's arms gently, "I... I think I want to try again. The hunger's getting to me, but I don't want your wrist. I want you, like we used to all the time." He hesitates and takes a breath to settle himself a bit before he demonstratively presses a kiss to Dorian's neck. "I miss you and I miss this with you, and I don't want to keep holding out forever."
It's been a while since life's felt quite this normal. It's not truly normal, of course, with the time Dorian and Toby are both spending working to find their ways back to each other, but despite that it's still so much more normal than life had been before he found Toby again. The ease of spending time together in private --eating lunch, enjoying music, taking to the bath together, having sex-- feels like recapturing something that was stolen from them, regardless of how mundane what they might be doing at the time might be. It's a feeling of stability and being whole again that Dorian's missed so much that the relief of it washes over him anew every time they wake up together. Even months later, simple things still feel precious if he happens to stop to think about them.
So by the time he's stretching out and relaxing against Toby's side in the bath, Dorian's in a state of contentment that he's ready to indulge in for as long as they can. The only thing that could add something more is sex, and he knows they'll find their way there before long. It's only a matter of time when they're wrapped up like this and drinking in the pleasure of each other's company. He's comfortable to relax in that knowledge for now and simply unwind with his soulmate.
He's letting his thoughts wander out far beyond the clean, shining walls of the bathroom around them, when something Toby says pulls him back down to Earth-- and how.
His immediate reaction to that request is a mixture of surprise and the involuntary unearthing of a buried desire. Dorian watches his lover's face closely as he listens carefully, because he's not entirely sure he's hearing what he thinks he's hearing. Taking blood has been a source of obvious trauma for Toby enough times over the past months that approaching the subject has been enough to trigger a building apprehension in him-- that, and a few more selfish impulses.
He's missed connecting with Toby through a proper bite more than he can say, and his lover's shyness and reluctance surrounding the subject has made him wonder more than once whether they'd get back to where they are right now any time soon. A while ago he committed to letting the other man take the lead as they worked through the trauma together. Now, with Toby asking him freely for a bite, it suddenly feels like the right moment to give the other man an encouraging push from his side, too.
"I've missed it too. It's the one thing we haven't..." done. Haven't reclaimed for themselves and their relationship. Dorian hesitates, and then shifts to fold his arms around his lover as Toby kisses his neck. Even that little gesture makes his heart skip with excitement. He tightens his hold slightly on the other man and reaches up to gently push a small amount of hair affectionately behind one of Toby's ears as he presses their foreheads together. "I want this back for us."
He can feel and hear the way Dorian's body responds to the idea. That excited heartbeat, his blood racing faster through him, his scent beginning to change as the desire comes to the fore. It's a lot to take in all at once when it's related to being bitten, and Toby has to take a breath to give himself a few seconds to parse through all of it.
"I do too. I have since that first night." The vampire lets his eyes fall closed as he continues to grapple with the conflicting desires in himself. How desperately he wants this again, and yet how much he wants to vomit from the thought of toeing the line of monster right now. He hates it. This is his soulmate and things should be easy because they're right and necessary. But this just... isn't, and it guts Toby as much as the thought of what he did to all those random humans does. He sighs and tugs Dorian closer, needing the contact as he struggles with this.
"It's hard, though. I came so close to losing myself, Dorian. I know you think it was necessary but it wasn't the way it is with you, and I don't know how to let that go." Having a soul is making so many things more difficult. A hundred years ago, he wouldn't have cared at all. Hell, even fifty years ago he could have passed it off as nothing out of the ordinary. This time was so much different, the circumstances a kind of shit storm he wasn't at all prepared for. He's still not ready for it, but here he is, trying to deal with the aftermath anyway. The only difference between now and a year ago is that he has someone at his side who wants to help him through it.
Shifting slightly, Toby opens his eyes and pulls Dorian against his side in a one armed cuddle. He's not going to be able to go through with this until they can talk about it a little more concisely. With another sigh, he leans in to press a kiss to the other man's temple. "I love you and I want to be everything we were before everything happened." No need to rehash all that time spent apart. Frowning, he adds, "I want this to be easy again, like it was before, but I don't know how to make it be that way."
"Well," Dorian starts, once he's taken in everything that Toby's said. These concerns are along the lines of things he's heard from the vampire before, or conversations they've had in earlier months. It's not something Dorian has much more to say about that he hasn't already before, but he can try to be of use in a way he didn't before: by offering some direction. "That's one way of looking at it, and one that's kept you from moving past where you started with all of this, hasn't it?" Sensing a deep conversation coming, Dorian shifts some so he can better face his lover, preserving their closeness by settling his legs over the other man's thighs.
"If you ask me, the truth is that if you're waiting for a time when taking a step forward won't feel like a risk, that time isn't going to come. What happened with those people happened, and your feelings about what you did aren't going to change." Not unless Toby gets a sudden and unexpected personality transplant.
"But the difference now is that you have me. If you decide to take this risk with me, I'll be on the other end of it no matter what." It's been proven to him time and again that the only person Toby will ever accept absolving or saving him is himself, so he can't and won't try to promise that. And anyway, he absolved Toby the second he revealed that he drank from people to numb pain, and survive. It wasn't a good choice and the ensuing actions weren't 'good', but it isn't that simple to him. When is anything in their lives ever that black or white? "It could be that the only way it might get easier is by taking risks and finding out that the reality doesn't add up to all you've built it up to be in your mind." But either way, Dorian's of the opinion that nothing ever changes (whether it's something in a relationship, regarding a decision to try and detox, or something else) until someone takes action. Thinking about it isn't enough.
Dorian's always had a far more casual relationship with Toby's monstrous nature than the vampire has. It's common for the younger immortal to say things that make Toby recoil because it's so different from how he thinks. It doesn't matter how many times he's reminded his lover can't die (or at least stay dead) if he goes too far or that the feelings that come from being bitten far outweigh the pain that precedes it; Given the choice, Toby would never feed if he had to. The pleasure and the connection are welcome, but the reason those things exist in the first place? That could get kicked to the curb and he wouldn't mind in the least.
But what's being offered to him now is slightly different. This isn't a debate about whether the act is monstrous or not (it is and that's final), it's about the trauma that surrounds it. Toby's avoidance of difficult subjects is well known between them (the lengths he'll travel to avoid the worst things are legendary), and it's as much what he hasn't said as much as what he's offered that Dorian is picking up on now. The vampire is afraid and has been holding back, yes, but the layers surrounding the hesitation have never been fully spoken. His soulmate calling that out without Toby having spoken it speaks to the depths of their connection and how well they know each other despite the distance put between them by over a year of forced separation. It's comforting, in its own way, but not quite enough to get them to what they're both craving.
"And if I lose control of myself?" he asks, resting a hand atop one of Dorian's knees beneath the water. "You can't stop me from hurting you and I can't--" A beat as he exhales and forces himself not to tighten his grip on his lover. "I'll never forgive myself for hurting you because of what I am. Controlling that after not caring to for so long is a lot to handle, even if you don't think I need to. If I start to go, I could kill you and not care until it was far too late." It's more weight than he ever thought this would have for them, and he hates that it has to be this way when it was once one of the most beautiful things they shared.
As far as where Dorian's selfish (and unselfish, in the sense of wishing for more connection) interests lie, it's also easy enough for him to see past them to what the true issue seems to be, here. In the odd way that Toby's struggle has always felt artistic and like a slow-moving revolution to him, that's how all of this feels now: there may be the psychological component of overcoming a monstrous conception of self, but it's also easily a metaphor for a human wrangling with feelings of vulnerability or a fear of a lack of control.
"You aren't fragile, Toby. Even during that time we were apart, you didn't truly break or give up, did you?" Because, the way Dorian sees it, both of them saw and intimately know what that looks like for Toby. It starts with a sunset and ends with cracked ashes shifting between his fingers in the early morning breeze. "And you know what? You're right. If something does go wrong, I can't stop you." He reaches out and lays a hand on the vampire's shoulder. "But you can." He waves a hand dismissively at his own words. "Obviously vampirism isn't a matter of confidence or 'faking it until you make it', but you've been controlling yourself for hundreds of years. You haven't suddenly become more than what you were before, or were at least capable of being before. The way it seems to me, you found a new rock bottom and it shook your confidence in your own sense of the depths you were capable of reaching." Dorian leans back again, and reaches for one of the glasses of wine sitting by the edge of the bath to take a small sip. "And something like that... I can understand, but I can't fully empathize with."
It's a(n ironically) funny thought to pop up into his head so suddenly, but maybe what might help Toby most in this moment is words from someone with a more solid sense of the divides between the monstrous and the human? With each new low Dorian sank to himself, a quiet and buried sense of self-loathing grew too, but he also made room for the new levels of depravity within the scope of his personality and what he allowed himself to be.
[Dorian was half-expecting that Toby would want to sign either his ass or his chest, so the gentle prod to one of the more sensitive parts of his body is a crafty and pleasing surprise. He smiles at the vampire, leaning in for another kiss, and then reaches out to wrap one of his hands around one of Toby’s.]
Let’s go home, then. I think we’ve already been around other people too long, anyway.
[He waits for Toby’s response, and then starts leading them back to whatever door will take them to the Nexus. The walk isn’t a long one after that (a few winding pathways here, a cobblestone path there) before Dorian’s unlocking their front door and taking his boyfriend past Alistair and into their drawing room.
It’s a good thing it’s a short trip, too, because after the foreplay that is their every waking moment together, the immortal’s eager for a chance to be close to Toby. He waits about twenty seconds for them to get settled in, before leaning his body weight into Toby and pressing their lips together.]
Leave us, Alistair. [The dismissal is offered automatically over at the empty doorway, as Dorian starts reaching for the buttons of his shirt to undo them. With nosy and (totally listening in on them) shapeshifting manservant problems taken care of, Dorian turns a smile on Toby and presses his next kiss to the side of his neck.]
Dealer’s choice? I can undress quickly or we can have a bit of a moment about it.
[Toby can sign anyone's chest - Dorian's included - anytime he wants. Reaching for a spot he knows is much more fun for the both of them is far more appropriate. It's going to lead to a very good time as soon as they're settled in at home as well, which is why he happily falls in step with the younger immortal as they make their way home.
He's only had a moment to look about the drawing room to find the best place for them to hold their signing session when Dorian's pressing into him. Toby's response is automatic; He pockets the marker with one hand and slips the other around his boyfriend's waist to pull him close. There's enough space for the younger immortal to keep working on the buttons of shirt, but the second that's done, he's getting a firm tug against the vampire with an arm around his hips. It's really the only move the vampire can manage with lips pressed against his neck.]
Seeing as it's my first official autograph, I say we make it the big deal it is. [Toby grins and slowly slides a hand up his boyfriend's torso beneath his open shirt.] You don't have to make an entire show of it, but a little something would be nice. I'll even help by keeping my hands to myself. [As if to prove his point, Toby slowly removes his hands from the other man and holds them up for visibility. He knocks his head toward the nearest loveseat and grins.] I'll sit just there and wait. Sounds good?
Your moderation is commendable. [Particularly because it isn't likely to last long-- or hopefully, anyways. Appropriately, Dorian waits for the other man to get seated and comfortable before he starts hunting around for the nearest slightly-raised piece of furniture. A low ottoman ends up working well enough, and he steps up onto it for full dramatic effect.
This is going to be fully camp, but that doesn't mean they're not going to have fun with it. Dorian fingers the hem of his shirt, thinking for a moment, when he gets an idea.]
People are asking around town: 'Who's that man? Where's he come from suddenly?' [Once he's shrugged out of his shirt, Dorian swings it to lob it cheekily into Toby's lap.] A pretty voice, a face the darlings of show business could only dream of, and a disarming wit to charm the sober.
All the young things are throwing our clothes at him.
[He grins, and raises a foot to start trying to take off one of his shoes. Trying being the key word. It may involve some teetering.
Some not necessarily well-advised teetering, but it's committed to the bit teeter-hopping.]
[Usually when they do things like this, it's the vampire who's going over-the-top with theatrics and camp. Forever somewhat stuck in the 80s as he is, camp like this is simply his thing. But with Dorian doing it?
God, it's really good he's sitting down or his weak knees would be showing.
As it is, he relishes in all the attention is soulmate is throwing at him, a grin splitting his lips as he turns Dorian's shirt over in his hands and takes in all the man's words. This is a rare and decadent treat for him, and he absolutely loves it. So much so that he'll only tease the man a little from his spot on the couch.]
Are they throwing pretty shoes, too? [His grin widens as draws his lover's shirt across his cheek and inhales a deep, noisy breath to add to the distraction.] Because I really only want the stilettos or platform boots. I've plenty of flats of my own, thanks.
[Toby's egging on isn't helping (or really is, depending on your perspective). The shirt-sniffing is perfect, though, and it almost makes Dorian break.
It takes a bit more teetering and maneuvering, but eventually Dorian manages to unlace his shoe and tug it off with a grin. To make up for the break in the bit, he grips the end of a lace between a pointer finger and thumb, and lets it slip in dramatic increments towards the floor before allowing it to thump onto the ground.]
Shoes, shirts, undergarments... whatever it takes to catch a moment in the spotlight. Flats, perhaps, not making the cut. [Shoe removal is proving a bit clumsy, so rather than stumble over the second one he'll toe the second off as cooperatively as his neatly tied laces will allow.]
What does he do? He's a face-- the face. Where Warhol revolutionized old with a splash of neon new, Tobias redefines muse. [And there goes the pants zipper.]
[The desire to take off his own clothes is very difficult to resist, but if he can hold out just a little longer he can actually sign Dorian's body before the ravaging that will happen seconds after. Toby compromises with himself by draping his lover's shirt about his neck and using exaggerated (and very distracted) movements to unbutton his shirt.]
Muse for all the best arts, [he adds with a grin. He pulls his shirt open, but otherwise leave it in place. No need to tease and tempt the other man too much yet - with his clothes, at least; There's an eagerness for all the best pleasures tonight, and that means his fangs appear briefly as his grin widens.]
Think this face could see those undergarments you mentioned? I have something I'm eager to give the next man who fulfills the request.
During the several (admittedly on and off) years he and Dorian were together before they were last separated, Toby had never had the chance to enjoy and celebrate his birthday to its absolute fullest. Having a birthday at the height of summer as a vampire meant much of the day was off limits or, at the very least, that going out for his birthday was relegated to a short window at the end of the day. The Nexus has handily taken many of those obstacles out of the equation, leaving the decision of when to start and where to spend his birthday wide open, perhaps to the younger man's dismay.
At precisely 7 AM, well over an hour after the sun's risen, the vampire carefully slides into bed next to his boyfriend and wraps his arms around him. The turn he took about the garden at sunrise was lovely, but now it's time for attention and presents!! And the only one who's going to be bothered for either today is his soulmate.
"Dorian~" he murmurs as he pulls the other man close. "Time to wake up. It's my birthday." To help sweeten the deal, he presses a very excited kiss to his boyfriend's lips. This is definitely enough to get the man to wake up, right?? Whether it is or not, Toby quickly follows that kiss with another peck to the man's cheek. "You owe me presents and an expansion of your riddle."
He's been patient ...enough(?) over the past week, and now he's done with all that! It's not his actual birthday and that means all his whims must be catered to. Well, maybe not all of them, but presents and attention are definitely necessary right now!
7 AM is downright reasonable, compared to the times when previous special events have found Toby launching himself onto their bed at midnight. Dorian shifts and mumbles indistinctly as the wall of drowsiness in his mind is soon pressing up against-- boyfriend? Yes. Very excited boyfriend.
"Mmm, Toby..." Kisses are helping him wake up, so he'll reach out and fumble for the other man's face so he can draw Toby back in for another, sleepy kiss. When they part, Dorian settles back down into his pillow and smiles up at the vampire.
"Happy Birthday." Yawning thickly, Dorian rubs at one eye with the heel of a palm. Sitting up will come in a moment. "What time is it?"
That's more awake than he expected from boyfriend, so Toby is mostly happy with this turn of events! He grins brightly as he leans in for another kiss around the inconvenience of Dorian rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"7 AM, darling." A short beat as he pulls the other man closer. "I waited very patiently all morning for you, which means it's well past time for presents."
Come on, boyfriend! Wake up faster!! Needy vampire nerd is needy and wants to know what you were torturing him with for the last month! Don't let sleep hold you back. You know Toby's far more important than sleep anyway.
Dorian chuckles as Toby presses him for his presents. The man isn't wrong; Whining and crowdsourcing for answers aside, the vampire's been remarkably patient over the last few weeks (or remarkably patient for him, anyway). They've had their game of push and pull over Toby's gifts for long enough-- now it's time to deliver.
"The first one's in the walk-in closet. Push aside the kimono and you'll find it learning against a wall."
All this early morning tugging and kissing is hitting him in a very good way, though. Pressing into Toby, Dorian wraps an arm around the other man's waist and leans in to start kissing his neck. "Or... we could start your birthday like this." He throws in a bit of the sultry purr he can manage after having just woken up.
Happy Toby is a good reason for sex, right? Waking up content and turned on has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Oh, okay. Toby most definitely not expecting Dorian to coax him into sex this quickly after waking up. The temptation to get up and open his present then come back to bed is very real, but there's also the very real, very warm distraction of boyfriend wrapping around him and kissing his neck right now. God, trying to choose one over the other is damn near impossible right now, which makes him very grateful to have the need to choose taken off the table by an extremely persuasive shift of hips against his own.
It's fine. Presents will come soon enough. They'll just ravage each other once (or twice) and then get started on the rest of their day.
"This first," he moans, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man as he pulls them flush together. He allows Dorian to kiss his neck a few more times (God it feels so damn good right now) before turning his boyfriend's face and pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. There's an undeniable need behind it all, and Toby's not waiting for longer than another kiss before he starts trying to take off whatever clothes are separating them.
"My choice this morning?" he murmurs between more kisses. "It is my birthday, after all." Not that he's thoughts about what he wants for 'birthday sex' (or round one of 'birthday sex', knowing them), but he's got a few good ideas. All of which are even better with sunlight pouring over them through the open window.
Yes, this is exactly the answer Dorian's half-awake brain and body are hoping for. Sex in the sun has become a thing for them, to the point where feeling Toby against him and sunlight pooling warmly over them both has become a bit Pavlovian. That it's a sunny outside their bedroom and the beginning of a day spent in utter contentment with his favorite person only makes everything better. Grinning, Dorian answers the deeper kiss pressed to his lips with enthusiasm, his free hand shifting to work at their clothes. Thankfully he's only in a silken sleep shirt, which makes it much easier to focus on getting the vampire out of whatever the man's thrown on his body for the day.
"Your choice, rightfully so," he offers back, keeping Toby pressed flush against him as jeans are pulled off and tossed aside. "Just give me a place and position." And hopefully sooner rather than later. Which will become evident enough the next time he draws Toby in for a kiss and shifts his hips against his boyfriend's. Yes pls happy sex time pls now pls.
It's been three weeks and four days since the attack on his club, and Toby still hasn't forgiven Dorian for it. All messages related to anything but business go unanswered and all attempts at bribery (they're not gifts when he's this upset, period) are ignored or sent back. He certainly hasn't gone to their shared penthouse, either, and has been grumpily holed up in various suites in his hotel instead.
Dorian's been insufferable in demeanor when they do see each other, too. Every worry Toby brings up or consequence he points out is met with some version of 'it's fine' or 'it'll blow over,' and each time digs a little deeper under his skin. If he'd wanted to work with someone who was dismissive and uncaring about his feelings or opinions on a matter, he'd have lived with his mother in the last few years before her death. He'll pass on getting it from a business partner and lover, thanks.
Today's annoyance is with yet another former regular telling a bartender he's not comfortable coming to a club that was openly attacked by bounty hunters, who were only there because one of the suppliers is a former Sith. This is on top of having to pay a heavy fee to restart a contract with a supplier who had previously been cutting Toby a good deal because of how much product his clubs and bars moved. How Dorian can't see the extent of the damage done is truly mind boggling.
He's not expecting to Dorian to come to the bar today. It's slow enough that Toby's settled on one of the couches in the VIP section, a mostly full glass on a table by his feet as he looks over some accounts and various books. Putting his business knowledge to work is easy enough, but it's been a pain in his ass. Kriffing bounty hunters and their need to make such a mess. Ugh.
When the other man approaches, Toby looks up briefly before returning to his work. "You need something?" he asks, flipping through pages in an inventory list. "I need a few minutes, but I can slot you in after I finish looking these over."
"Watch your heels, Toby, you're going to back up straight into the--"
Bonk. And then the thud of something large, but hollow tipping over onto the carpet. Dorian chuckles and continues walking Toby through the door and into the master bedroom (now his bedroom, alone, as it has been for some time). His hands on the vampire's shoulders, Dorian laces fingers around the back of Toby's neck before dragging the man down, and into an eager kiss. Behind them, the enormous decorative urn lays sideways by the doorway, easily forgotten amidst the playful passion unfolding between the two men in the bedroom. A ladies' garment, long, elegant, and bright red, lays stretched out beneath the urn, seemingly discarded thoughtlessly, the skirt-end coming almost to the edge of the bed. Unlike the disregarded urn, Dorian takes a moment to guide the vampire so neither of them steps on the dress and risks tearing up the fine fabric.
This is always one of the kinds of moments he loves best with Toby: they're alone, the sun (that bit's new, admittedly) is pouring through the window and setting his bedspread aflame with color, and there's nothing ahead of himself and his vampire lover but indulging in each other.
"We've got--" Grinning, Dorian nips lightly at Toby's lower lip, before giving the other man a little push, and then settling them playfully, if a bit roughly, back onto the bed. Dorian climbs astride the vampire, drinking in the sight of his beautiful soulmate beneath him as he starts picking at the buttons of Toby's shirt. "--all day to scream as loud as we want." So as far as he's concerned, it's time to get to it.
What's a knocked over (and surprisingly unbroken?) urn between them but another tally to their record of items knocked over for sex? It's not a big deal for Toby to push it aside with one foot as he's herded toward the bed, though he does manage to pick up a straggler on the way. Ah well, it'll be dealt with soon enough.
Toby wraps his hands around Dorian's face to pull him in for another kiss as clever fingers tug at his shirt. "Good, because I've nothing but you on my mind right now." He smiles warmly up at the younger man before leaning in for another kiss. This is the slice of heaven he loves and needs most in the multiverse, and knowing there will be no chance of intrusions is helpful. Not that Sin isn't lovely, but when it comes to his soulmate and making love? The vampire doesn't need any distractions.
Speaking of, time to get rid of the one round his ankle. Toby chuckles as he reaches down to grab hold of the offending fabric. "Honestly, darling, can't you pick up after yourself so I don't trip--"
His stomach lurches as he grabs hold of the fabric and realizes it's clothing. Not his, not Dorian's. Ah. Of course. Dorian wanted a little time with his other lover before she left for the day. Of course. It makes perfect sense; Dorian wants both his lovers and if one's going to be gone all day, then she certainly requires his attention before she goes.
But this outfit is a reminder, yet another reminder, that Toby's sharing his soulmate with someone he didn't get to vet, meet, or otherwise approve of before he was forced to make do or possibly lose said soulmate forever. Right after he found him again, after believing the man was dead.
He sighs and pushes Dorian off with a single swipe of his arm, using vampiric strength to move the man around. He glares at the fabric in his hand for a moment before wadding it up and tossing it out the door.
"Nice of you to tell me I'm sloppy seconds today," he mutters. "You could at least have the decency to say it to my face."
Being shoved aside is so unexpected that Dorian's immediate thought is that it's part of their usual roughness and deviousness with each other. He flops over onto his side, smile still affixed to his face, and a disbelieving chuckle dropping from his lips.
"'Sloppy seconds'? What on Earth are you talking about?" The toss of the dress answers his question, and Dorian's eyes follow it for a moment as the pretty red garment flutters out the door. The undercurrent of what's happening still hasn't caught on, although something is definitely weird. Different. Still, they're having a good afternoon, aren't they? They planned for this, and Dorian wants it enough to try again. And several more times after that.
"I didn't have time to clean up with everyone bustling around this morning." Why is that such a big deal? "It's gone now, and I'm here." Moving closer again, he slips an arm around Toby's shoulders to press a kiss just beneath his ear.
It isn't actually that big a deal. They've thrown aside clothes that didn't belong to either of them, even before they had a third person permanently living in their home. Living in one of their rooms. Forcing him out of his soulmate's bedroom to keep everyone appeased.
No, not appeased - placated. Because he sure as Hell isn't happy with his own room elsewhere in the townhouse.
Toby sighs and rolls his shoulder to throw Dorian off. "This isn't the first time it's been like this, Dorian. Me coming up here to find it a mess with things that aren't yours, even when we're planning for the day to be ours."
It shouldn't be a big deal. Sin's kind and good-natured, and the vampire genuinely likes her. She brings many indulgences into the house that wouldn't be possible without her, and she makes for an excellent gaming partner from time to time. But he didn't get to choose his part in all this. Not really. He made peace to keep his soulmate. To not be alone again.
God, what utter shit for timing. It's always something for him, isn't it? He could use a drink or five. Anything to dull the ache in his heart and the gnawing realization that he needs to say something about how he's feeling after all this time.
"I'm not in the mood anymore," he says suddenly, pushing himself to his feet and rebuttoning his shirt. "Maybe later. I want to be alone right now."
This is ... an abrupt end to what had been shaping up to be a very good afternoon. The loss is disappointing, but it's Toby getting up and shutting him out that trips the recognition that something actually is wrong here. Drawing in a breath and letting it out again in a sigh, Dorian sits up on the bed, and watches Toby start to get up, frowning.
"You like her, don't you?" He's seen the way the pair interact together. It may not be a match made in Heaven, but they do at least seem to be friendly. Is there something he missed here that's provoking this kind of reaction? Some argument that he doesn't know about? "Did something happen between you? Is that why you're leaving?" And slinking off to sulk. Dorian knows this mood in his soulmate, and it seems to end, more often than not, in a few days of hangovers and incapacitated vampire. There's probably no preempting it, but trying is better than nothing.
"She's lovely. Beautiful, intelligent, very warm in ways I like, too." She's a good friend, or as good of one as Toby will let her be. It's hard to feel comfortable enough to allow himself that much, but they get along well enough and he has no reason to outright despise or loathe her.
But how nice or kind or generally caring she is... doesn't matter to his feelings of hurt or ever-present anxiety. Toby sighs again and shakes his head, not looking at Dorian as he gets to answering those last few questions.
"Nothing happened. She's not done something to me that's upset me." She simply exists here, in a space he thought was going to be all his for however long they've got. He can share, but he wanted the option to say 'no' when his gut wrenched at the thought of welcoming a possibly permanent addition into their lives. There was no other choice when the truth of Sin came out, and now the vampire's stuck. He can't lose Dorian, and so he makes do. Just as he always does, especially with this man.
It's so tiring. God, he feels incredibly exhausted all of a sudden, and there's no amount of sleep, caffeine, or other drugs to help. He runs a hand through his hair and rubs at the back of his neck a few times, his mind already running through a list of what alcohol they have on hand and where it is in the house.
"It's fine," he finally says, as much for himself as for his soulmate. "Nothing a few," dozen, "drinks and some time won't smooth over."
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mayfairmonster) wrote2021-01-20 02:31 pm
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It would be easy to reach out and ask to feed off the other man; It's more difficult to grapple with how wrong it often still feels. He's managed a handful of times, when at the edge of his pain tolerance, to take his lover's wrist in hand and sate himself just enough to last another week or so, but it's so far from what he's been wanting. The connection that comes from drinking from Dorian is intense, but it's so much more when they're more intimate about it. Taking the man's life between his teeth, feeling him course through his veins as they complete each other in a way no other act ever could, it's... intoxicating, perfect despite the darkness that accompanies it. He wants it so badly, but getting there has been out of his reach.
There were a few other times he was close to going for it. They've been physically intimate so many times since finding one another again that Toby's lost count, and every time he presses his lips to Dorian's neck he wonders if he could do it. On a few rare occasions, he's even gone so far as to ask and gotten an enthusiastic yes in response, but every time he bared his fangs or put them to soft flesh, his mind would flash back to somewhere else. A dark alley, a corner of a crowded lobby, a bathroom stall, under a broken lamppost where no one could see. The face was different each time, but the process was the same: They were expendable food and he didn't give a shit about them. He charmed them, he bit them, and he left them. Seeing that when he knew he was with Dorian, in their home and with full consent, made his skin crawl and his stomach turn. He'd push himself away at the last second and turn away, panting and shaking as he dealt with the terror and the memories. It was a little easier to deal with each time, especially with his soulmate at his side. It also made it easier to reach for it the next time he tries.
So as they let all cares for the day melt away into the heat of their bath between the occasional kiss or addition of more hot water, Toby's thoughts drift again to the dueling desires of being closer to the man in his arms and the hunger gnawing at him. He winces at the mere thought of the latter, although he tries to cover it by shifting a little. Now that he inevitably has Dorian's attention, though, he thinks it's time to bring up what's on his mind.
"Say, Dorian," he begins slowly, his hands already beginning to fidget by stroking his lover's arms gently, "I... I think I want to try again. The hunger's getting to me, but I don't want your wrist. I want you, like we used to all the time." He hesitates and takes a breath to settle himself a bit before he demonstratively presses a kiss to Dorian's neck. "I miss you and I miss this with you, and I don't want to keep holding out forever."
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So by the time he's stretching out and relaxing against Toby's side in the bath, Dorian's in a state of contentment that he's ready to indulge in for as long as they can. The only thing that could add something more is sex, and he knows they'll find their way there before long. It's only a matter of time when they're wrapped up like this and drinking in the pleasure of each other's company. He's comfortable to relax in that knowledge for now and simply unwind with his soulmate.
He's letting his thoughts wander out far beyond the clean, shining walls of the bathroom around them, when something Toby says pulls him back down to Earth-- and how.
His immediate reaction to that request is a mixture of surprise and the involuntary unearthing of a buried desire. Dorian watches his lover's face closely as he listens carefully, because he's not entirely sure he's hearing what he thinks he's hearing. Taking blood has been a source of obvious trauma for Toby enough times over the past months that approaching the subject has been enough to trigger a building apprehension in him-- that, and a few more selfish impulses.
He's missed connecting with Toby through a proper bite more than he can say, and his lover's shyness and reluctance surrounding the subject has made him wonder more than once whether they'd get back to where they are right now any time soon. A while ago he committed to letting the other man take the lead as they worked through the trauma together. Now, with Toby asking him freely for a bite, it suddenly feels like the right moment to give the other man an encouraging push from his side, too.
"I've missed it too. It's the one thing we haven't..." done. Haven't reclaimed for themselves and their relationship. Dorian hesitates, and then shifts to fold his arms around his lover as Toby kisses his neck. Even that little gesture makes his heart skip with excitement. He tightens his hold slightly on the other man and reaches up to gently push a small amount of hair affectionately behind one of Toby's ears as he presses their foreheads together. "I want this back for us."
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"I do too. I have since that first night." The vampire lets his eyes fall closed as he continues to grapple with the conflicting desires in himself. How desperately he wants this again, and yet how much he wants to vomit from the thought of toeing the line of monster right now. He hates it. This is his soulmate and things should be easy because they're right and necessary. But this just... isn't, and it guts Toby as much as the thought of what he did to all those random humans does. He sighs and tugs Dorian closer, needing the contact as he struggles with this.
"It's hard, though. I came so close to losing myself, Dorian. I know you think it was necessary but it wasn't the way it is with you, and I don't know how to let that go." Having a soul is making so many things more difficult. A hundred years ago, he wouldn't have cared at all. Hell, even fifty years ago he could have passed it off as nothing out of the ordinary. This time was so much different, the circumstances a kind of shit storm he wasn't at all prepared for. He's still not ready for it, but here he is, trying to deal with the aftermath anyway. The only difference between now and a year ago is that he has someone at his side who wants to help him through it.
Shifting slightly, Toby opens his eyes and pulls Dorian against his side in a one armed cuddle. He's not going to be able to go through with this until they can talk about it a little more concisely. With another sigh, he leans in to press a kiss to the other man's temple. "I love you and I want to be everything we were before everything happened." No need to rehash all that time spent apart. Frowning, he adds, "I want this to be easy again, like it was before, but I don't know how to make it be that way."
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"If you ask me, the truth is that if you're waiting for a time when taking a step forward won't feel like a risk, that time isn't going to come. What happened with those people happened, and your feelings about what you did aren't going to change." Not unless Toby gets a sudden and unexpected personality transplant.
"But the difference now is that you have me. If you decide to take this risk with me, I'll be on the other end of it no matter what." It's been proven to him time and again that the only person Toby will ever accept absolving or saving him is himself, so he can't and won't try to promise that. And anyway, he absolved Toby the second he revealed that he drank from people to numb pain, and survive. It wasn't a good choice and the ensuing actions weren't 'good', but it isn't that simple to him. When is anything in their lives ever that black or white? "It could be that the only way it might get easier is by taking risks and finding out that the reality doesn't add up to all you've built it up to be in your mind." But either way, Dorian's of the opinion that nothing ever changes (whether it's something in a relationship, regarding a decision to try and detox, or something else) until someone takes action. Thinking about it isn't enough.
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But what's being offered to him now is slightly different. This isn't a debate about whether the act is monstrous or not (it is and that's final), it's about the trauma that surrounds it. Toby's avoidance of difficult subjects is well known between them (the lengths he'll travel to avoid the worst things are legendary), and it's as much what he hasn't said as much as what he's offered that Dorian is picking up on now. The vampire is afraid and has been holding back, yes, but the layers surrounding the hesitation have never been fully spoken. His soulmate calling that out without Toby having spoken it speaks to the depths of their connection and how well they know each other despite the distance put between them by over a year of forced separation. It's comforting, in its own way, but not quite enough to get them to what they're both craving.
"And if I lose control of myself?" he asks, resting a hand atop one of Dorian's knees beneath the water. "You can't stop me from hurting you and I can't--" A beat as he exhales and forces himself not to tighten his grip on his lover. "I'll never forgive myself for hurting you because of what I am. Controlling that after not caring to for so long is a lot to handle, even if you don't think I need to. If I start to go, I could kill you and not care until it was far too late." It's more weight than he ever thought this would have for them, and he hates that it has to be this way when it was once one of the most beautiful things they shared.
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"You aren't fragile, Toby. Even during that time we were apart, you didn't truly break or give up, did you?" Because, the way Dorian sees it, both of them saw and intimately know what that looks like for Toby. It starts with a sunset and ends with cracked ashes shifting between his fingers in the early morning breeze. "And you know what? You're right. If something does go wrong, I can't stop you." He reaches out and lays a hand on the vampire's shoulder. "But you can." He waves a hand dismissively at his own words. "Obviously vampirism isn't a matter of confidence or 'faking it until you make it', but you've been controlling yourself for hundreds of years. You haven't suddenly become more than what you were before, or were at least capable of being before. The way it seems to me, you found a new rock bottom and it shook your confidence in your own sense of the depths you were capable of reaching." Dorian leans back again, and reaches for one of the glasses of wine sitting by the edge of the bath to take a small sip. "And something like that... I can understand, but I can't fully empathize with."
It's a(n ironically) funny thought to pop up into his head so suddenly, but maybe what might help Toby most in this moment is words from someone with a more solid sense of the divides between the monstrous and the human? With each new low Dorian sank to himself, a quiet and buried sense of self-loathing grew too, but he also made room for the new levels of depravity within the scope of his personality and what he allowed himself to be.
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cw: literal noms, apple-biting
cw: blood (also i will never not laugh at that warning, ty for your contribution to the world)
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Fans with Benefits
[Dorian was half-expecting that Toby would want to sign either his ass or his chest, so the gentle prod to one of the more sensitive parts of his body is a crafty and pleasing surprise. He smiles at the vampire, leaning in for another kiss, and then reaches out to wrap one of his hands around one of Toby’s.]
Let’s go home, then. I think we’ve already been around other people too long, anyway.
[He waits for Toby’s response, and then starts leading them back to whatever door will take them to the Nexus. The walk isn’t a long one after that (a few winding pathways here, a cobblestone path there) before Dorian’s unlocking their front door and taking his boyfriend past Alistair and into their drawing room.
It’s a good thing it’s a short trip, too, because after the foreplay that is their every waking moment together, the immortal’s eager for a chance to be close to Toby. He waits about twenty seconds for them to get settled in, before leaning his body weight into Toby and pressing their lips together.]
Leave us, Alistair. [The dismissal is offered automatically over at the empty doorway, as Dorian starts reaching for the buttons of his shirt to undo them. With nosy and (totally listening in on them) shapeshifting manservant problems taken care of, Dorian turns a smile on Toby and presses his next kiss to the side of his neck.]
Dealer’s choice? I can undress quickly or we can have a bit of a moment about it.
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He's only had a moment to look about the drawing room to find the best place for them to hold their signing session when Dorian's pressing into him. Toby's response is automatic; He pockets the marker with one hand and slips the other around his boyfriend's waist to pull him close. There's enough space for the younger immortal to keep working on the buttons of shirt, but the second that's done, he's getting a firm tug against the vampire with an arm around his hips. It's really the only move the vampire can manage with lips pressed against his neck.]
Seeing as it's my first official autograph, I say we make it the big deal it is. [Toby grins and slowly slides a hand up his boyfriend's torso beneath his open shirt.] You don't have to make an entire show of it, but a little something would be nice. I'll even help by keeping my hands to myself. [As if to prove his point, Toby slowly removes his hands from the other man and holds them up for visibility. He knocks his head toward the nearest loveseat and grins.] I'll sit just there and wait. Sounds good?
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This is going to be fully camp, but that doesn't mean they're not going to have fun with it. Dorian fingers the hem of his shirt, thinking for a moment, when he gets an idea.]
People are asking around town: 'Who's that man? Where's he come from suddenly?' [Once he's shrugged out of his shirt, Dorian swings it to lob it cheekily into Toby's lap.] A pretty voice, a face the darlings of show business could only dream of, and a disarming wit to charm the sober.
All the young things are throwing our clothes at him.
[He grins, and raises a foot to start trying to take off one of his shoes. Trying being the key word. It may involve some teetering.
Some not necessarily well-advised teetering, but it's committed to the bit teeter-hopping.]
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God, it's really good he's sitting down or his weak knees would be showing.
As it is, he relishes in all the attention is soulmate is throwing at him, a grin splitting his lips as he turns Dorian's shirt over in his hands and takes in all the man's words. This is a rare and decadent treat for him, and he absolutely loves it. So much so that he'll only tease the man a little from his spot on the couch.]
Are they throwing pretty shoes, too? [His grin widens as draws his lover's shirt across his cheek and inhales a deep, noisy breath to add to the distraction.] Because I really only want the stilettos or platform boots. I've plenty of flats of my own, thanks.
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It takes a bit more teetering and maneuvering, but eventually Dorian manages to unlace his shoe and tug it off with a grin. To make up for the break in the bit, he grips the end of a lace between a pointer finger and thumb, and lets it slip in dramatic increments towards the floor before allowing it to thump onto the ground.]
Shoes, shirts, undergarments... whatever it takes to catch a moment in the spotlight. Flats, perhaps, not making the cut. [Shoe removal is proving a bit clumsy, so rather than stumble over the second one he'll toe the second off as cooperatively as his neatly tied laces will allow.]
What does he do? He's a face-- the face. Where Warhol revolutionized old with a splash of neon new, Tobias redefines muse. [And there goes the pants zipper.]
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Muse for all the best arts, [he adds with a grin. He pulls his shirt open, but otherwise leave it in place. No need to tease and tempt the other man too much yet - with his clothes, at least; There's an eagerness for all the best pleasures tonight, and that means his fangs appear briefly as his grin widens.]
Think this face could see those undergarments you mentioned? I have something I'm eager to give the next man who fulfills the request.
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Birthday Fanfare
At precisely 7 AM, well over an hour after the sun's risen, the vampire carefully slides into bed next to his boyfriend and wraps his arms around him. The turn he took about the garden at sunrise was lovely, but now it's time for attention and presents!! And the only one who's going to be bothered for either today is his soulmate.
"Dorian~" he murmurs as he pulls the other man close. "Time to wake up. It's my birthday." To help sweeten the deal, he presses a very excited kiss to his boyfriend's lips. This is definitely enough to get the man to wake up, right?? Whether it is or not, Toby quickly follows that kiss with another peck to the man's cheek. "You owe me presents and an expansion of your riddle."
He's been patient ...enough(?) over the past week, and now he's done with all that! It's not his actual birthday and that means all his whims must be catered to. Well, maybe not all of them, but presents and attention are definitely necessary right now!
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"Mmm, Toby..." Kisses are helping him wake up, so he'll reach out and fumble for the other man's face so he can draw Toby back in for another, sleepy kiss. When they part, Dorian settles back down into his pillow and smiles up at the vampire.
"Happy Birthday." Yawning thickly, Dorian rubs at one eye with the heel of a palm. Sitting up will come in a moment. "What time is it?"
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mostlyhappy with this turn of events! He grins brightly as he leans in for another kiss around the inconvenience of Dorian rubbing sleep from his eyes."7 AM, darling." A short beat as he pulls the other man closer. "I waited very patiently all morning for you, which means it's well past time for presents."
Come on, boyfriend! Wake up faster!! Needy vampire nerd is needy and wants to know what you were torturing him with for the last month! Don't let sleep hold you back. You know Toby's far more important than sleep anyway.
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"The first one's in the walk-in closet. Push aside the kimono and you'll find it learning against a wall."
All this early morning tugging and kissing is hitting him in a very good way, though. Pressing into Toby, Dorian wraps an arm around the other man's waist and leans in to start kissing his neck. "Or... we could start your birthday like this." He throws in a bit of the sultry purr he can manage after having just woken up.
Happy Toby is a good reason for sex, right?
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It's fine. Presents will come soon enough. They'll just ravage each other once (or twice) and then get started on the rest of their day.
"This first," he moans, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man as he pulls them flush together. He allows Dorian to kiss his neck a few more times (God it feels so damn good right now) before turning his boyfriend's face and pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. There's an undeniable need behind it all, and Toby's not waiting for longer than another kiss before he starts trying to take off whatever clothes are separating them.
"My choice this morning?" he murmurs between more kisses. "It is my birthday, after all." Not that he's thoughts about what he wants for 'birthday sex' (or round one of 'birthday sex', knowing them), but he's got a few good ideas. All of which are even better with sunlight pouring over them through the open window.
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"Your choice, rightfully so," he offers back, keeping Toby pressed flush against him as jeans are pulled off and tossed aside. "Just give me a place and position." And hopefully sooner rather than later. Which will become evident enough the next time he draws Toby in for a kiss and shifts his hips against his boyfriend's. Yes pls happy sex time pls now pls.
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SW Universe: A Forced Return to Normal
Dorian's been insufferable in demeanor when they do see each other, too. Every worry Toby brings up or consequence he points out is met with some version of 'it's fine' or 'it'll blow over,' and each time digs a little deeper under his skin. If he'd wanted to work with someone who was dismissive and uncaring about his feelings or opinions on a matter, he'd have lived with his mother in the last few years before her death. He'll pass on getting it from a business partner and lover, thanks.
Today's annoyance is with yet another former regular telling a bartender he's not comfortable coming to a club that was openly attacked by bounty hunters, who were only there because one of the suppliers is a former Sith. This is on top of having to pay a heavy fee to restart a contract with a supplier who had previously been cutting Toby a good deal because of how much product his clubs and bars moved. How Dorian can't see the extent of the damage done is truly mind boggling.
He's not expecting to Dorian to come to the bar today. It's slow enough that Toby's settled on one of the couches in the VIP section, a mostly full glass on a table by his feet as he looks over some accounts and various books. Putting his business knowledge to work is easy enough, but it's been a pain in his ass. Kriffing bounty hunters and their need to make such a mess. Ugh.
When the other man approaches, Toby looks up briefly before returning to his work. "You need something?" he asks, flipping through pages in an inventory list. "I need a few minutes, but I can slot you in after I finish looking these over."
What's Been Sitting Beneath the Stone
Bonk. And then the thud of something large, but hollow tipping over onto the carpet. Dorian chuckles and continues walking Toby through the door and into the master bedroom (now his bedroom, alone, as it has been for some time). His hands on the vampire's shoulders, Dorian laces fingers around the back of Toby's neck before dragging the man down, and into an eager kiss. Behind them, the enormous decorative urn lays sideways by the doorway, easily forgotten amidst the playful passion unfolding between the two men in the bedroom. A ladies' garment, long, elegant, and bright red, lays stretched out beneath the urn, seemingly discarded thoughtlessly, the skirt-end coming almost to the edge of the bed. Unlike the disregarded urn, Dorian takes a moment to guide the vampire so neither of them steps on the dress and risks tearing up the fine fabric.
This is always one of the kinds of moments he loves best with Toby: they're alone, the sun (that bit's new, admittedly) is pouring through the window and setting his bedspread aflame with color, and there's nothing ahead of himself and his vampire lover but indulging in each other.
"We've got--" Grinning, Dorian nips lightly at Toby's lower lip, before giving the other man a little push, and then settling them playfully, if a bit roughly, back onto the bed. Dorian climbs astride the vampire, drinking in the sight of his beautiful soulmate beneath him as he starts picking at the buttons of Toby's shirt. "--all day to scream as loud as we want." So as far as he's concerned, it's time to get to it.
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Toby wraps his hands around Dorian's face to pull him in for another kiss as clever fingers tug at his shirt. "Good, because I've nothing but you on my mind right now." He smiles warmly up at the younger man before leaning in for another kiss. This is the slice of heaven he loves and needs most in the multiverse, and knowing there will be no chance of intrusions is helpful. Not that Sin isn't lovely, but when it comes to his soulmate and making love? The vampire doesn't need any distractions.
Speaking of, time to get rid of the one round his ankle. Toby chuckles as he reaches down to grab hold of the offending fabric. "Honestly, darling, can't you pick up after yourself so I don't trip--"
His stomach lurches as he grabs hold of the fabric and realizes it's clothing. Not his, not Dorian's. Ah. Of course. Dorian wanted a little time with his other lover before she left for the day. Of course. It makes perfect sense; Dorian wants both his lovers and if one's going to be gone all day, then she certainly requires his attention before she goes.
But this outfit is a reminder, yet another reminder, that Toby's sharing his soulmate with someone he didn't get to vet, meet, or otherwise approve of before he was forced to make do or possibly lose said soulmate forever. Right after he found him again, after believing the man was dead.
He sighs and pushes Dorian off with a single swipe of his arm, using vampiric strength to move the man around. He glares at the fabric in his hand for a moment before wadding it up and tossing it out the door.
"Nice of you to tell me I'm sloppy seconds today," he mutters. "You could at least have the decency to say it to my face."
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"'Sloppy seconds'? What on Earth are you talking about?" The toss of the dress answers his question, and Dorian's eyes follow it for a moment as the pretty red garment flutters out the door. The undercurrent of what's happening still hasn't caught on, although something is definitely weird. Different. Still, they're having a good afternoon, aren't they? They planned for this, and Dorian wants it enough to try again. And several more times after that.
"I didn't have time to clean up with everyone bustling around this morning." Why is that such a big deal? "It's gone now, and I'm here." Moving closer again, he slips an arm around Toby's shoulders to press a kiss just beneath his ear.
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No, not appeased - placated. Because he sure as Hell isn't happy with his own room elsewhere in the townhouse.
Toby sighs and rolls his shoulder to throw Dorian off. "This isn't the first time it's been like this, Dorian. Me coming up here to find it a mess with things that aren't yours, even when we're planning for the day to be ours."
It shouldn't be a big deal. Sin's kind and good-natured, and the vampire genuinely likes her. She brings many indulgences into the house that wouldn't be possible without her, and she makes for an excellent gaming partner from time to time. But he didn't get to choose his part in all this. Not really. He made peace to keep his soulmate. To not be alone again.
God, what utter shit for timing. It's always something for him, isn't it? He could use a drink or five. Anything to dull the ache in his heart and the gnawing realization that he needs to say something about how he's feeling after all this time.
"I'm not in the mood anymore," he says suddenly, pushing himself to his feet and rebuttoning his shirt. "Maybe later. I want to be alone right now."
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"You like her, don't you?" He's seen the way the pair interact together. It may not be a match made in Heaven, but they do at least seem to be friendly. Is there something he missed here that's provoking this kind of reaction? Some argument that he doesn't know about? "Did something happen between you? Is that why you're leaving?" And slinking off to sulk. Dorian knows this mood in his soulmate, and it seems to end, more often than not, in a few days of hangovers and incapacitated vampire. There's probably no preempting it, but trying is better than nothing.
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But how nice or kind or generally caring she is... doesn't matter to his feelings of hurt or ever-present anxiety. Toby sighs again and shakes his head, not looking at Dorian as he gets to answering those last few questions.
"Nothing happened. She's not done something to me that's upset me." She simply exists here, in a space he thought was going to be all his for however long they've got. He can share, but he wanted the option to say 'no' when his gut wrenched at the thought of welcoming a possibly permanent addition into their lives. There was no other choice when the truth of Sin came out, and now the vampire's stuck. He can't lose Dorian, and so he makes do. Just as he always does, especially with this man.
It's so tiring. God, he feels incredibly exhausted all of a sudden, and there's no amount of sleep, caffeine, or other drugs to help. He runs a hand through his hair and rubs at the back of his neck a few times, his mind already running through a list of what alcohol they have on hand and where it is in the house.
"It's fine," he finally says, as much for himself as for his soulmate. "Nothing a few," dozen, "drinks and some time won't smooth over."
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